Congrats to my twin sister No!

Turbulent

I grieve for who she was,
and cry for who she is.
I fear for who and what she becomes;
tangled, tangled, web
done and undone,
patchwork quilt
of year after year,
step after step
never, ever, good enough:
to light up the sky
with all her goodbyes,
to the girl, she once was.

Olive, the Kitten!

Arsenal

I’ll give you some matchsticks

along with some love letters,

(and tell myself,

I should know better.)

a knife

and a single rose.

Bullets to go along with a gun,

so shiny

and silver

I shiver

at the touch.

I’ll kiss that palm of your hand

Where you held it

as you held my face

Love in my eyes,

and trust in my kiss

for all the things you have

all the things you keep.

Never to use

nor ever lose.

Unexplored Territory

I went out for a run this afternoon, hopping to log about 6 miles. I have this out and back route to this wooden bridge on the river near my house that I usually go on. It's a pretty straightforward, but for some reason I got lost today and I don't know why.

On my way though, there were all of these butterflies along the river and the trail was littered with caterpillars.

So much that after 2.5 miles in on my run, I just stopped and decided to walk, not wanting to crush them by accident. Somehow, I took the wrong turn without realizing it. I thought I had stumbled upon a dry area, the word 'wasteland' coming to mind.

But I kept walking despite the rocks and weeds and came upon a peaceful place along the river that I had yet to see before.

And I wondered at that moment if this was somehow a metaphor for something I have yet to discover. 

I didn't go after the bridge today, instead I went all the way back home, the way I came. For the first time, a run didn't clear my mind. And for the first time, I got lost on a route I thought I knew so well. 

Present Moment

Yesterday I had the pleasure of catching up with a truly great friend. She's been with me despite all of the ups and downs of our college career and now that college is over for me and will be soon for her, we've realized how vast the world truly is.

It's kind of daunting thinking about where you'll be and what you'll be doing, but at the same time its exciting. Possibilities are endless, letting the mind wander infinitely. Sometimes I forget this. So used to being subject to fear, I wake up filled with anxiety and I wonder, "What will become of me?"

But there's some kind of wonderful and desperate beauty within that urgent question. For one thing, I acknowledge that I'm alive. How many times do we forget that we are when we go through the motions of life? How many times do we take it for granted? Being alive every day and having each day that comes my way simply gives me another chance to answer it. And I have the choice of keeping the same answer or changing it. It's all up to me. Though it comes with a responsibility, it is all empowering.

So take each day composed of moments and decisions and be present in every aspect of it. For who knows what the future brings and the past has already happened. But the present is ephemeral. Take it while you can before its gone. Some days will seem like the same, but believe me, they're not. Just like how every sunset and sunrise is different, so are you. Ever evolving, learning, and growing.

And there's never going back to who you used to be.

To my friend who inspired this post with her speech, thank you as always. "You're a damn good catch." ;]

The truth about writing...

So true. More than halfway done with my first draft of my manuscript.
Must.
Not.
Give.
Up.

That is all. Happy Thursday everyone!

Amazing Talent!

Hearts a mess-Goyte

Favorite song on the soundtrack!

Post-Seattle

It's been over a week since I've returned from Seattle. The past week seemed to go by so fast, yet upon reflection, so slow. Does that make sense? Or is my conception of time off the mark? Anyway, being back in Sacramento was a shock. Temperature shock that is. Luckily the past two days were nice, cloudy, and cool. I needed it. But now that I'm back and it's been over a month since school finished, I can't shake the feeling that I've come to the period in my life where all I'm doing is waiting, waiting, and waiting. For what exactly? Who really knows.

I've been submitting job applications, but after I submit them I imagine them diving into a pool of other applications in the black digital space, and soon enough mine becomes lost in the shuffle that I can't even distinguish my applications from all the others. Am I truly lost?

But maybe being lost, as they say, is the only way to be found. All I know is... I miss the coffee in Seattle (and of course the people ;]).

I definitely can't wait to go back. For those who haven't gone. I recommend it. Especially if you're from the hot, dry, valley like I am.

-M

Cereal Alternative! Milk+Strawberries+Chocolate=Yum

I don't allow myself to have cereal often at breakfast because of the sugar content and a serving size just never really fills me up. So instead I made my own alternative to cereal! All you need are three ingredients: your choice of rice cracker (I used a gluten-free chocolate flavored), milk (I chose unsweetened almond milk) and fresh fruit (hence my strawberries). It's all so simple: crumble cracker, cut fruit, combine altogether with milk! I feel like a kid again.

And just to make you smile, here's a photo of Blaire ;]

Have a great Tuesday everyone!

Post-Grad Update

Have no fear, I will no longer disappear!

As you can obviously tell, I've been away from my blog for awhile. There's no legit reason why. Rather, I've been lost in the shuffle. You would think that after graduating I would be blogging like crazy with all my free time, but to be honest I've been quite lost. All I've known is school and now that it's over, life's a bit disorienting. Not in a bad way of course. It's just something new that I'm trying to adjust to.

This post is simply my apologies and a notice for you all to be prepared. More posts are on their way and there's a lot of things to update you all on.

-Miss M