Chasing Cities

If I close my eyes and think of a happy place, I'll see the Seine River. I'd walk along the cobblestone steps, just as the sun was setting and the city lights of Paris were just beginning to shine. In the distance, the Eiffel Tower would be peeking out above the autumn trees, making me think "Wow, it's just like the picture," as I try to put it down into words.


What are places anyway? What's a home location as opposed to a vacation destination? How is it that they both bring about different emotions within us, such as comfort and nostalgia versus the excitement of a new adventure?

Last week my sister left to New York. A courageous thing to do no doubt. New York is the Paris of the U.S., is it not? So it made me wonder, can a city bring happiness? Will it bring her happiness? I think of my time in Paris and I think about how happy I felt when I was there. Would it still give me that same feeling if I lived there? Or would that all change?

I think about home, all the things I love about it, and all the things I hate. And most of all, all of the things I miss.

Those, like my sister, going off to new cities and relocating, I wonder what they're chasing after. Hope? Love? Adventure? A fresh start?

And as I sit in a coffee shop in Seattle, I can't help but ask myself the same thing: what am I chasing after?

Unanswerable and Uncertainty

Sometimes I wonder if I really know anything about the world. It's so big and vast, I wonder if I'll ever really be a part of it, or if my role is something insignificant like a piece of dirt. You could make the argument and say, "Of course you're a part of it Michelle, in fact you're a part of something even grander. Even being a piece of dirt makes a difference because you along with other pieces of dirt can be the soil that flowers grow out of, and so on and so on..."

We as individuals wrestle with the idea of 'purpose' that it's understandable some turn to religion. Religion gives some answers. But "answers" aren't really "answers," are they? Do you follow me? Because an answer can't be one hundred percent true or one hundred percent false. It's just an abstraction when you think about it, or even a "guess", so really, there aren't any answers in this world. And what sucks about that is the questions that arise in our minds. What are we suppose to do with them when they drive us absolutely crazy. Is that the point? To just be okay without answers and live in a world of uncertainty?

Unfortunately, yes.

Great... another abstraction, another guess, and no answers.

The "Second Draft"

I took a long break from writing my novel and after beginning the editing today, I really regret all of that lost time. The ending to the story just wasn't coming, which is pretty damn frustrating when it's been stewing in your mind for some time.

But after reading a couple of books over the weekend that somewhat disappointed me, I realized that I had the power to make something that wouldn't disappoint. Disappoint me that is.

And hopefully something that matters, not only to me, but to someone else.

Little Blaire Bear!

A photo of my cat, to brighten your day.

(More relevant, though that's not to say that Blaire is irrelevant, posts to come!)