Sunday, June 10, 2012

The Best Summer Ever 2 0 1 2!

I'm having a really difficult time studying for my last final. I haven't even started and I don't want to. I'm itching for summer especially with a taste of it yesterday night. I'm hoping if I just write it all out, I can get these distracting thoughts out of my head and focus on the upcoming exam.

I guess I should first explain why this summer is so important to me, but to get there I should explain last summer. Last year I was going through a really tough time and I didn't really know what to do to make things better or make myself better. When the quarter ended, I put on a smile and acted like everything was okay when I knew that there was something under the surface, waiting to erupt. I'm sad to say I tried to avoid it all by turning to partying and drinking for that temporary release from reality; or rather, I abused it.

So when the school year came to an end at a graduation party, a few friends and I went downtown. I wanted to forget everything and I knew a little alcohol could do just that. But a little turned out to be a lot,  making me completely reckless. But it seemed like alcohol and partying just couldn't do it for me any more. I completely blacked out and woke up in a friend's bed where the graduation party was still going.

I was ashamed at how I allowed myself to go this far. This night was different from the rest of the stupid parties where I made a fool out of myself. This time I was a mess inside and out, and this time everyone could see it. I couldn't smile it off anymore and I was too tired too. I cried all night and my friends tried to console me, but they didn't really know why I was crying. I gave them excuses, not wanting to admit the truth and let them believe what they wanted.

So once summer arrived, I knew I had to deal with my issues at hand. I isolated myself from my friends and family, trying to focus on myself and gave up drinking and partying. But with the twelve weeks of summer school I just kept putting off what was really bothering me until I created an almost limbo reality for myself. Summer flew by as I declined offers to hang out with friends. Soon enough, some friends were getting engaged and married. Others were leaving. And I found myself in a sad looking office, but finally seeking help.

Other events happened then, but this is all I really think of when I look back at my 2011 summer.

I refuse to let this summer go and slip by, because this is the summer of change. I've learned from my past mistakes and know better now than to make the same ones.

So when next year comes around and I look back at my 2012 summer, I hope to remember it as the best summer ever.

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