Tuesday, November 4, 2014

All Time Low

With the onslaught of rain, and the darkened days, I've felt myself drift away for awhile. In it's place I felt discontent, confusion, and a lonely longing that's hard to put into words.

On the surface, I'm seen as very bubbly, polite, and quiet, but those that know me on a more personal level has seen the other side I'm not proud of: destructive and highly emotional.

I write this, not as a confession, but a remembrance to the person I don't want to be. We all have those right? A shadow, lurking at the edge of our mind that comes out when we aren't looking. No, I'm not saying I have a split personality or something like that, but rather when things get tough it's easy to be taken over by negativity. Your mind then becomes so cloudy with negativity, so unlike you, that you don't want to feel it at all. Which leads to bad decisions.

Too put it plainly, I had too much to drink, said some hurtful things, and behaved dangerously and unladylike on Halloween. I was mortified and sickened with my behavior the next day. To feel so out of control of myself made me feel so ashamed.

Luckily, I had people who cared, took care of me, and tried to reassure me that night's like the one I had inevitably happen, but the only thing you can do is move forward. Those people in my life know who they are, and I am eternally grateful for them.

But it was an all time low for me and not one that I'll likely forget or ever repeat.

So, I write this to anyone who's feeling a little blue: the feeling will pass, but hopefully you don't need to make a mess of yourself like I did to pull yourself out of it. But if you do make a mess, remember, that we're all human. We make mistakes. And all we can do is learn from them.

10 comments:

  1. We love YOU for exactly who you are... good, bad, sad, happy, or mad... <3 Keep your head up, you got all our support. x.

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  2. HUGS
    I have some really bad days like that sometimes. Less often than they used to be, thankfully. Wish it never had to happen. I'm so glad you have support. We're always here, too. :)

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    1. HUGS
      Thanks. Glad I have awesome blogger friends! It's nice to be vulnerable yet understood.

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  3. *Hug* *Offers virtual cupcake* I'm sorry you're feeling low, hon. It happens to all of us.

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    1. You know me too well. *Gobbles up cupcake* Thanks :)

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  4. Those days come - unfortunately. Part of being human. It sounds like you're luckily enough to have some very loving people around you, and that you're strong enough to notice the deeps and pull back out again. *hugs*

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    1. *hug* Thanks. Glad to know I have support in this writing/blogging community too. So thankful!

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  5. Hey Michelle, I'm sorry for what you went through. You know what is SUPER odd? I hope you don't take it in a creepy way, but I for reals had a dream about you the night before Halloween. And it was a dark dream. I can't explain it. But in it the feelings mirrored what your post shares.
    You're right tho, we all have moments. We just have to take it all as a sign for the better (even if it doesn't manifest in the best way) and make the most of what we have.

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    1. Not odd at all! You need to let me in on your psychic abilitites ;) Maybe then I could have avoided it. Thanks for the words of encouragement. I needed it.

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