Hi All--
Last month I wrote about high anxiety and I'm happy to report that I am doing much better. Within the month I've been really focusing on drafting project M4 in seven weeks, with this week being the seventh! Almost done! I have high hopes for this story and I'm really hoping that it's 'the one.' The one with enough hook, the one with enough complexity, the one with enough heart that will capture an agent's eyes (after extensive revisions of course). But at the same time I have so much doubt within in, that I wonder if I'm just pumping myself up for no good. Because maybe this isn't 'the one.' Maybe it won't be enough.
I know I should take it one day at a time. One word at a time. One paragraph at a time. One page at a time. But then my mind wanders though I know I should be patient, but all I'm thinking about is the distance. The distance between now and where I want to be, and it drives me crazy!
Will I ever get there? How long will it take? Am I doing enough? Am I up to par with the competition? Cue nonstop questions that give me heart palpitations.
Am I insane for thinking I can do this?
I go back and forth constantly. I'm determined, but at the same time I'm tired. I treat writing like a second job and sometimes I'd just like that one job that gives me some cash flow and more freedom to write, aka the dream job.
But there's a difference between dreaming and doing, and I find myself doing both. How do you guys keep your sanity at times like this? Comment below.
This post is in participation of an amazing writers support group started by the just amazing Alex J. Cavanaugh, making writing a little less lonely and filled with encouragement. Thanks also goes to this month's co-hosts: M. Pax, Tracy Jo, Patricia Lynne, Rachna Chhabria, Feather Stone, and Randi Lee
So glad the anxiety is better!
ReplyDeleteI certainly am not sane, so I can't help you there. What I can say is that seems to exactly what keeps me going. If I was sane, there is no way I would still be querying. I certainly don't want to or think it's doing me any good. But insanity keeps me querying. Part of me believes that greatness is sometimes born from the ashes of an insane person who exploded. O.o
I love your last line, "greatness is sometimes born from the ashes of an insane person who exploded." I guess there's a bright side to being insane after all :)
DeleteI'm glad you feel better this month. I have many of the same worries and I allow myself time to daydream becuse I think daydreams fill my well of creativity and help me plan the next steps in my writing. Boring as it may seem, 1 word after another makes the dream of writing become reality. You can do it!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you feel better this month. I have many of the same worries and I allow myself time to daydream becuse I think daydreams fill my well of creativity and help me plan the next steps in my writing. Boring as it may seem, 1 word after another makes the dream of writing become reality. You can do it!
ReplyDeleteThank you Tyrean. And yes, word by word!
DeleteI think every writer goes through these questions, including What Am I Writing For? For me--and maybe for you--it's compulsive. I can go through times where I don't write, but it makes me anxious, so I go back to writing something anyway. You don't know if it's good enough until you let the story out of your own little bubble, unfortunately. And even then, objectivity is hard to come by.
ReplyDeleteYeah, you're right. It's always so hard letting it out of our own little bubbles, but it has to happen eventually.
DeleteWhen I wrote my first book, it occurred to me that I was on a magical journey. If my ms got published was secondary. I still believe that. Life is a journey, with every heartbeat and breath. The intended destination is inconsequential. Blessings.
ReplyDeleteThank you Feather. You're right! This is a wonderful and crazy journey, but I'm so glad it's mine :)
DeleteI can't give advice, but at least you're feeling better than you were.
ReplyDeleteThanks, I appreciate the kind words :)
DeleteHave to say I agree with Michelle A., that all writers go through these questions.
ReplyDeleteI just started writing again (yay!) and man, I'm already asking myself so many questions.
We gotta keep at it though!!
So glad to hear you're writing again!!!!
DeleteOh, we're supposed to remain sane? ;)
ReplyDeleteI agree with the others; the questions never stop for us writers. But it sounds like you're tackling them well. Just tell them to stay in the back corners of your mind and don't listen to them past their mumbles. And if they try to sneak out again, bash them with a broom.
Gotcha. Need a broom meant especially for whacking those questions away ;)
DeleteWriting anxiety can be crippling! But as long as you keep writing through it, you'll get there!
ReplyDeleteThanks Julie!
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