Listening to "Too Close" by Alex Clare and drinking coffee at Starbuck's with my computer in front of me prompts me to update my blog instead of starting on my paper.
Yesterday, I finished writing in my sixteenth journal. Comparing this weekend to last weekend, I'm glad my mood is better. I think I was just having a moment of high stress. I just hate the fact that their are so many things in life that are out of our control that it makes me wonder if I have any free will at all. If it is my life, shouldn't I be the one controlling it and deciding what path I take? Yes, in life we do get some choices, but we can't necessarily choose the outcome. We are so restricted by things like money, the past, and society that it holds us back from actually living. Obviously, you can tell I have control issues (something I'm constantly working on). But sometimes when I'm going through the motions of the day, I catch myself and think, "Is this really something I want to be doing?". We always say live in the moment, but are we actually doing that? Each moment goes by and we dismiss it or we aren't aware of it; thus, if we aren't aware of it, are we really living? Maybe this is too abstract, but it's embedded into the back of my mind. Maybe, it's the "YOLO" craze lately that's infected my subconscious. I don't know. I just think too much.
And I should probably put my thinking to use for my paper (although it's certainly something I don't want to do).
Wishing you all a good Sunday!
-Miss M
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