Bittersweet Letters

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Letters of Evan and Emma #1

Dear Evan,

I have finally made it to my hotel in London. The flight was long, but completely worth it. I cannot believe I’m finally here. Of course, I owe it all to you. I don’t know how I’ll be able to do this without you here with me.

Where am I even going to start? All I have is a first name and a letter. The chance of me finding him is slim. And what if I imagined it all in my head? It was so long ago and it seems like a faraway dream… For all I know, he could be married by now!  This is so crazy and ridiculous. I can’t believe you convinced me to fly out here.

Anyway, I should probably get to bed soon since it’s already late. Tomorrow will be a long day of searching for him.

I hope everything is well with you and the wedding plans. Maybe if everything turns out okay, I might have a plus one after all.

Always,

Emma

Novella

She was told the blackest of white lies.

Reality is a fantasy she soon realized…

See it through her lifeless eyes

And know that she was victimized.

The story’s written all over her face,

the hidden novella behind the bookcase.

For Elias

The phoenix is a symbol of rebirth.

from your ashes you begin anew.

Preservation of self with a pure heart,

Are the qualities I see in you.

Let your flames be the fuel,

To all of your desires.

Let your potential for greatness,

Be driven by your unyielding fire.

Embrace your character

For he is self-less and true.

Keeping his faith and ideals,

No matter what he went through.

“Beautiful Awakening”

She mocks me in all of my attempts,

and yet she urges me on.

Until I’m tired-

Until I’m starved-

Until there is nothing left of me.

She takes everything away,

With intentions to cure, but only harms.

Now, I am growing faint-

on this path of self-destruction,

on this road of isolation.

She rules me by numbers,

as I ignore the hunger…

for beauty and perfection,

to the extent of desperation.

To be weightless and fragile-

even if it is my own private exile.

To be lovely and finally free,

Oh, she begs for the “ideal” me.

“Reckless Abandonment”

Take me anywhere from here. Intoxicated, no longer aggravated. My body yearns for the music, it makes me sway. Bright lights in a darkened, hazy, world, fills my eyes. Just forget. The past is ever present. Regretful words and the things that should have been. Letters upon letters opened and read. Over and over and over. The smoke fills my lungs and I’m hot but my skin is ice cold. Leave me alone. No, I don’t want to be alone. Drive. Drive. Drive. To where? Held down by ambitions and fears. Stay away and stay safe. Shivering, shaking… At the top of my world, standing where no one can touch me, where no one can tell me what to do. My lips want to speak. The heart locks it tight and throws away the key. No more pain. In my head, mind games. I lose. Rumors. Lies. Truths. Let it be, because life goes on. Constellations. The only lights to trust. The pearl of the moon. I want it, can’t take it. No, please. Simple observer of life. I hear the laughs. Break me. Break me. Take me. Take me. Away. Tear me down and I will come back anew. Endings, beginnings… It’s all the same. Run in circles, run in circles. The music calls… Don’t forget. Write it down. All of it. Each word. Reckless. Reckless. Reckless. Breathe in. Breathe out. Sing out loud. Hold my hand, and run, run, run. Don’t look back, don’t look forward. See it in my eyes, my voice fails me. Let me cry. Let me lose control and let it be my escape. Scared. Breathless. At the top of my world and the music surrounds me. Abandon it all. Be reckless. Live.

“Standing on a Ledge”

Standing on a ledge,

No one can touch me.

No one can hurt me.

No one can fill my heart with lies,

or make me endure broken promises.

Escape is given here-

Standing on a ledge.

Where I am between the heavens,

and the all-consuming reality.

All is still.

All is in motion.

Touched by the invisible wind.

Kissed by the shining sun.

My mind becomes undone…

Standing on a ledge-

I am stripped of it.

The pressure becomes weightless.

No more expectations.

No more facades.

Standing on a ledge.

Where all is bare.

Where all is beautiful.

“Alone”

In the beginning

it seemed so innocent, just for fun.

But time made me grew fond of you,

your smile, laugh, and all the things you do.

My heart beat quickens…

and that’s when I should have listened

to all of the sound advice throughout the years,

instead of your scripted poetry in my ear.

But at that point and time,

I truely believed that you  were mine.

The way we fit like a lock and key,

Both transparent so the other could see

the truths within our heart and soul

the things we lacked to make us whole.

The sun begins to set, and I watch it alone.

Wondering if I will ever find a heart to call home.

The sky blazes with hues of purple, blue, and red…

As your last words run through my head.

“Sleepless Star”

She is the complete heavens.
While I am simply a star.
She is the one that you adore,
and I, you, from afar.
But you come to me in my dreams,
and it's like I'm living in the past.
But then the dream begins to fade,
just like a shooting star, so quick and fast.
So as I lay in a bed of darkness,
the moon, my only white light.
I can only turn over my thoughts,
and hope that I am right.
That the wish I have made,
will in it self come true.
And this will just be another night,
that I must go through, without you.

“Victim to Infinite Sleep”

I used glue to put my pieces together,
But it only made me sick.
I racked my mind for another way.
I tried tape to make the pieces stick.
But my heart came crumbling down,
like sharp, shards of broken glass.
I’m not built for this I start to think,
My heart just simply won’t last.

I begin to pick up the shards of glass,
Slicing my fingers with my trembling touch,
Blood trickles down from my fingertips,
The stinging pain is too much.
I try to wash the blood away,
But the ruby red leaves a stain.
I don’t know how to get it off,
Nor do I know how to explain,
Why I am shattered completely,
Without a remedy to make me whole.
I feel completely alone and lost,
Without a body, mind, or soul.
Only left with broken shards of glass,
That are now splintered in my skin,
As blood comes rushing out,
I know there’s no way for me to win,
To survive and tell my tale,
But only to surrender to the fragility
of my heart and my secret thoughts.
Now is the only time to say it explicitly.

I am weak, waning in strength.
My pristine white flag soars above.
It is my timeless way to convey,
That I will now surrender to love.
Because you’ve cut me deep, and sliced me up.
You’ve hit me hard, so that I couldn’t get up.
You’ve seen me cry, you’ve seen me plead.
You’ve seen me swallow this poisonous seed,
That promised to take it all away,
The scars, bruises, and ruby red stains,
And lead me to the majestic archway,
That I hope and pray to one day see,
You standing there, right beside me…

But I am brought back to reality
By my stinging, inflicted hands.
They cry for my attention.
Almost like a needy child’s demand.
Then I realize what I am holding,
and I can only scream, cry, then weep.
For my broken heart has died,
And I will soon be victim to infinite sleep.