My
mother never told me she loved me. Not even when I was born and not even when I
had recovered from breast cancer. After my flute recital when I was six, she
told me that I played wonderfully. After being awarded student of the year when
I was in the eighth grade, she said I was intelligent. The night I went to
prom, albeit stag, she told me I was beautiful. A few years later when I
graduated from college, she said that I was a worthy role model. On my wedding
day, as she held a dampened handkerchief to her eyes, she told me she would
miss me. But never did she once tell me she loved me.
As a child, that was all I wanted. Each
year as I blew off the candles on my birthday cake, I wished with all my might
that she would say it. Every time I saw a shooting star, she was the person who
came to mind. Growing up I realized that birthday wishes don’t come true and
shooting stars do not have any power over us. Still. I wanted it more than anything.
“I love you, mom.” I would say
whenever I left her home.
“Good-bye, dear.” She would always
say in reply.
At the age of ninety-three she
passed away in her sleep. It was on the day of her funeral, as her casket was
lowered into the earth, when I realized that all my birthday wishes had come
true and all of my desires had been granted by those shooting stars. She never
once had to tell me that she loved me, because I felt it everyday.
What are words compared to the look
in her eyes? The same look she gave me when I was born, to the last day of her
life, and everything else in between.
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