Manuscript

Three days ago, I told myself that by the end of winter quarter, I will have a completed rough draft of a manuscript. The deadline I gave myself will be my 22nd Birthday on March 26. Three months. I think this is a good enough time frame even if I'm going to school full-time. I guess there's a part of me that wants to leave college feeling accomplished or with something to begin my career as a writer. Not that this manuscript would make me a writer, but I would actually feel like one (we all need an ego-boost once and a while). It may not be something that would get published, but I think it'll provide me with a great lesson, teaching me patience and the rewards of tenacity.

Personally, to complete this undertaking would just be monumental. The end goal for me is to get a novel published. For me, to share my words and stories, in the hopes of changing someone's life would be the greatest accomplishment I could ever receive.

Baby steps though. The first being to write everyday, until I can hold a stack of papers filled with my own words in my hands, happily smiling, with my eyes brimming with tears of joy at something I can be proud of. And of course, celebrating with a glass of my favorite wine!

Until then. My daily goal is 1,000 words per day (although, how diligently I can meet this goal really depends on my course load. Nonetheless, I'm optimistic!). I'm thinking my manuscript will be about 100,000 words long.

After three days, I'm at 10,000, hence my blog post to celebrate this mini step. Although, this is attributed to the fact that I've been on vacation. Nonetheless, I hope my enthusiasm for this story does not lessen with each passing day.

My characters are depending on me and I mustn't let them down.

The End of Fall Quarter

has finally come. Finals are finished. I'm so exhausted; mentally and physically. Looking back, the quarter seemed to go by so fast, but at the same time, I felt like it was drawn out. It probably wasn't my best quarter academically, since I didn't strive for my best. Instead, I just wanted to get by. I guess you could say I have my head in the clouds, which is partly true. I'm a dreamer and I have this desire to get out and explore. However, the rational part of me keeps beating me down with the sinking truth of reality. This inner conflict just bubbles under the surface of my skin, making the quarter uncomfortable and unbearable. But now, it's over. What next?

Sure, I have winter quarter left and ten more weeks of academia. But it won't be the same. I'll be applying for jobs and waiting. Waiting for what? Well, I don't even know. I just know something's going to happen. Something's coming my way. And so in the mean time, I'll be taking some classes. Half will be creative workshop classes, so the work load will be comparably easier than previous quarters, and the other half... well, I'll get by as usual.

As commencement approaches,  I'm starting to feel uneasy and I don't know why. I try to remind myself that this is what I wanted, so what am I so afraid of? The worst I can do is fall on stage, right?

Easy Healthy Cookies for one!

A healthy cookie=banana+oatmeal!

Had a bad cookie craving, and I ate bad all weekend! But I really, really, really, wanted cookies. So I found this two ingredient (base) cookie to satisfy my craving without feeling guilty.

Take half a banana and smash it. Then mix with 1/4 cup of quick-cooking oatmeal. Ta-da!

But I wanted to add some sweetness so a dash of cinnamon and a few 42% cacao chocolate chips (next time I'm going to try raisins!!!)

Heat oven to 350 degrees. Grease a baking sheet. Divide mixture into 4 cookies. Bake for 15 minutes. Let cool, and enjoy!

(I was so excited I ate half a cookie before remembering to take a photo!)

This is definitely something I can have for breakfast too, since it's so filling!

*~33 cals per cookie (not including the choc-chips).

Winter's Grip

The night is dark. Harshly cold.
She waits and listens,
for something and nothing.
Hiding away in her room,
her mind becomes distant.

She thinks of him.
Alive and dead.
Sane and insane.

But then wonders where she falls?
Alive, physically?
Dead, emotionally?
Sane to function?
Insane to-

Blank Page-Christina Aguilera

I know there's hurt I know there's pain,
But people change lord knows I've been no saint
In my own way, regret choices I've made
How do I say I'm sorry? How do I say I'm sorry?

I was scared, I was unprepared oh, for the things you said
If I could undo that I hurt you I would do anything for us to make it through
Draw me a smile, and save me tonight
I am a blank page waiting for you to bring me to life
Paint me a heart let me be your art

I am a blank page waiting for life to start
Let our hearts stop and beat as one together
Let out hearts stop and beat as one forever
How can I erase decisions I've made
How do I go back what more can I say
All that remains are hearts filled with shame
How do we say we're sorry? How do we say we're sorry

I was scared, I was unprepared oh, for the things you said
If I could undo that I hurt you I would do anything for us to make it through
Draw me a smile and save me tonight
I am a blank page waiting for you to bring me to life
Paint me a heart let me be your art

I am a blank page waiting for life to start
Let our hearts stop and beat as one together
Let out hearts stop and beat as one forever
I'd go back in time and I'll realize
Our spirits aligned and we'd never die
Draw me a smile, and save me tonight
I'll be your blank page waiting for you to bring me to life
Paint me a heart let me be your art
I am a blank page waiting for life to start
Let our hearts start and beat as one together
Let our hearts start and beat as one forever

Tears

What are tears? But words of the heart?

I'll admit, for a blogger I don't write much. It's due to the fact that I believe their is a fine line between public and private life. I've always been a private person. The person who bottles up everything and shuts down, because she doesn't know what to say, nor explain. I like to think that I'm not fragile. But the truth is, I am. I like to think that I'm brave. But I'm not. There's a fine line between the person you are and the person you want to be. Finding that middle ground is a journey, and every time I think I've made it or found that medium, I realize that I'm farther from where I've started. I've been going the opposite direction. I've gotten lost. I've been stuck. I've been found. And sometimes I've disappeared.

The hard part, is reappearing. Trying again. To find a way, to find a future, when the past follows you like a ghost. Haunting you when awake, and trying to take you as you sleep.

It would be so easy to succumb and give up. But I know I can't allow it to be an option.

Maybe a good cry was all I needed. To wash away the pain and resentment imprinted on my heart, etched into my skin, and burned into my memory. Maybe a few tears will cleanse the soul. A few tears for some sort of solace. A few tears, for when there's no one to listen.

I'm doing okay. But someone somewhere right now, isn't. And so, a few tears for them.

------

If you're quiet, you can hear him.
Slow and shallow breaths.
White puffs in winter's black.
Frozen hands
unable to reach out.
For help, for love, for sympathy,
and most of all forgiveness.
A lonely shadow
in the recesses of our minds.

Infecting-
slow and agonizing.
A funeral of our suffering.

The rain is beautiful.

Therefore, life is beautiful.

Joe Kirkland should have won the knockout round :/

Stay Strong-ArtistVsPoet Click the link.

Love it.

Spaghetti Alfredo with Shrimp and Asparagus!

So for lunch I was really craving Alfredo pasta, so using whatever ingredients I had, I came up with this!

Voila! It was definitely yummy, nutritious, and completely hit the spot!

Ingredients:
2 cups of spaghetti squash
1 serv. shrimp
12 asparagus spears, cut inch-sized
1/4 cup of Classico, light creamy alfredo sauce

Prepare spaghetti squash.
Steam asparagus and cut when cooled
Boil shrimp.

Mix together with alfredo sauce on the stove. Put crushed red peppers and black pepper to taste.

~269 cals

Enjoy:]

The Unhappy Story

“Tell me a story.” My voice came out weak and feeble.

“What kind of story?”

“A love story.” I could his feel his eyes on me, but I didn’t dare look at him, knowing that if I did, I would instantly forgive him for everything, which wasn’t what he deserved.

He glanced up, feeling the rain on his face for the first time. “Well, I could tell you one, but it wouldn’t compare.”

“Compare to what?”

“Living in it.”

I looked into his eyes, so he could see the dagger he had just put into my heart with those words.

“A love story shouldn’t consist of lies, betrayals, and schemes. You played me for a fool.”

“Only for a fool in love, just like I am.”

He reached for my hand, but I recoiled from his touch.

“Then this story ends here, with an unhappy ending.”

“No, this is just the beginning. We are just beginning,” he said with a pleading look.

“I’m afraid we’re on the wrong page, in fact, I think we’re in separate books.” With that I walked away, aware that he was witnessing the moment where I walked out of his life forever.

PB and J Overnight Oats

I love PB&J! Put it in oatmeal? And it's just absolutely divine. Such a great way to start your morning:)

1/2 C oats
1 C almond milk unsweetened

Place in a Tupperware container in fridge over night.

Microwave for 2 minutes in the morning. Add 1 packet of Truvia, 1 serving of PB2 and your choice of jam/preserves.

Enjoy!

Perception

"The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was and the present worse than it is."

Pumpkin Muffin Cookies

I made this last week as a pick-me-up for myself after sooo much reading, and I have to say, it was perfect for this time of year! Although, I'll admit as October ends, I couldn't be happier because I am pumpkined out!

I'll call these muffin cookies, because it tasted like it was a median between the two, which I think is a good thing, because who doesn't like cookies for breakfast?

Yields 32 cookies. ~42 cals per cookie

Ingredients:
1 C whole wheat flour
1C AP flour
1C brown sugar
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
2 teaspoons of pumpkin spice
1/2 C unsweetened applesauce
1 teaspoon vanilla
1C canned pumpkin

Preheat oven to 350 degrees, prepare baking sheet by using a non-stick spray. Cream sugar with wet ingredients. Use a separate bowl to mix dry ingredients, then add to wet mixture. Mix until dough is formed. Place on baking sheet in ping-pong sized balls. Bake 15-18 minutes. Let cool, and enjoy!

Time of Change.

I woke up this morning completely anew. Have you ever experienced that before? Like you're opening your eyes for the first time? Seeing the rain and the leaves change for the first time? Everything so beautiful you just want to cry and soak it all up before it disappears? Knowing that a picture won't ever be able to capture it all: the colors, the emotions, the perspective. Hoping that it'll never end...

There's something hypnotizing about this time of year. Maybe it's due to the feeling of change, like maybe, just maybe... your life could change.

Week 3 or 4?

It's week 3 or 4 in the quarter system. I don't know whether to count the first week seeing as it was only two days.  The weeks don't really matter. All I can say is, I want out!

Yes, I'm learning interesting things, but my heart just isn't in it. It's everywhere else, but in school. My mind keeps wandering and my heart beats for something else. I know I should be enjoying the moment, but I feel like I'm going insane.

Twelve more novels to read, seven more papers to write... quizzes, midterms, and other assignments and readings from PDF's, anthologies, and textbooks.

All this in roughly seven weeks.

I've never had such a hard time focusing as I do now. Is it because I finally see beyond the bubble I'm in? It is because I've lost myself in a fictional world, prompting me to write and breathe life into things that yearn to exist?

I don't know... but I'm counting the days until I can fully immerse myself into the life that I'm longing for.

School just isn't for me anymore.

Explosions-Ellie Goulding

You trembled like you'd seen a ghost
And I gave in
I lack the things you need the most, you said where have you been
You wasted all that sweetness to run and hide
I wonder why
I remind you of the days you poured your heart into
But you never tried
I've fallen from grace
Took a blow to my face
I've loved and I've lost
I've loved and I've lost

Explosions...on the day you wake up
Needing somebody and you've learned
It's okay to be afraid
But it will never be the same
It will never be the same

You left my soul bleeding in the dark
So you could be king
The rules you set are still untold to me and I lost my faith in everything
The nights you could cope, your intentions were gold
But the mountains will shake
I need to know I can still make

Explosions...on the day you wake up
Needing somebody and you've learned
It's okay to be afraid
But it will never be the same

And as the floods move in
And your body starts to sink
I was the last thing on your mind
I know you better than you think
Cause it's simple darling, I gave you a warning
Now everything you own is falling from the sky in pieces
So watch them fall with you, in slow motion
I pray that you will find peace of mind
And I'll find you another time
I'll love you, another time

Explosions...on the day you wake up
Needing somebody and you've learned
It's okay to be afraid
But it will never be the same

Skeletons-This Century

You're like a ghost to me
A love so true I cannot see
It's such a mystery
But I'm
Head over heels for you

Can't get inside your head
Threw away the key instead
And kept it locked away
But I'm
Head over heels for you

You got the shackles on me, yeah
But I just wanna be free, yeah
Don't need an expert to see, yeah
That it's time to shake your skeletons

Shake your skeletons (x2)

You're an anomaly
Wrapped up in a million dreams
You're a love conspiracy
But I'm
Head over heels for you

You're floating endlessly
Into infinity
Run circles around me
But I'm
Head over heels for you

You got the shackles on me, yeah
But I just wanna be free, yeah
Don't need an expert to see, yeah
That it's time to shake your skeletons

Yeah, yeah
Shake your skeletons (x2)

I know that you felt so low, yeah

Shake your skeletons

So take your skeletons and break my heart
Don't bring me back, bring me back to the start
Don't leave me here when we've gotten this far
So come on, come on and break your skeletons

Shake your skeletons (x2)

I know that you felt so low, yeah

Shake your skeletons

So take your skeletons and break my heart
Don't bring me back, bring me back to the start
Don't leave me here when we've gotten this far

It's time to shake your skeletons

Sometimes

I wonder if I'm working for a non-existent future or a future of perpetual loneliness, with only my mind for comfort.

Goethe, you've made me very sad...

Grey Goose

I admired him so,
But he left me.
Without warning and without a chance.
I was robbed of everything and anything.
A loss before anything could be won.
It was me,
Who loved him too much to bear.
I played it all in my mind,
And tried to drown myself in alcohol
and bittersweet vibrations
Of songs with lyrics that resonated within me.

Summer's End

Forgive me faithful followers! I didn't mean to leave you all hanging! Rest assured, I am still alive!

The past few weeks have been crazy, but ultimately life changing. How do I even begin to explain it?

All I know is, it happened in Paris. I'm in awe of that city and what it did to me. I stood beneath the iconic Eiffel Tower and was just awestruck. I couldn't believe I was there, and I still have a hard time believing I was there. Was it an epiphany I had? I'm not sure. But for the first time, I felt truly and blissfully happy. Sitting in cafes, walking along the Seine, and drinking wine; doing simple things that felt so magical. For the first time, I stopped planning and over thinking everything. I finally lived and enjoyed the moment.

Being home after that, I realized home isn't where I wanted to be anymore. I wanted to be out in the world. I wanted to explore. I wanted to write.

I need to get out. It may only be a quarter earlier, but that's better than the whole year.

I can't wait to see where I go next.

Itinerary!

Finished it todaaaaaaaaaay!

& I leave in two days.

Now, what to pack?

London and Paris, I'll see you soon!!!

Inkling of Solace

French phrases drift into the wind,
dancing in the summer days.
But just like history,
it quickly fades away;
into the recesses of our minds
stored in our fragile designs;
as we cling to romantic dreams
that circumstance and society deems:

unrealistic and unfeasible,
that hope might as well be unbelievable...

So lifeless when living
and dead when awake,
One step turns into another
until it's the jump I take.
Into the black abyss,
without a saving grace.
Struck raw and white
by an unfamiliar place.

I'm asking to be unseen,
from all the disapproving eyes,
filled to its brim,
with uncompromising lies.
Because veracity is a fallacy
and love an unfulfilled desire,
utterances of a few words
are all that they require.

The fairy tales have burned.
Ashes scattered across the sea.
The soot smeared on my cheek,
a small shade of my identity.
Like tears of ink upon paper,
bounded and abandoned into books,
never read nor ever heard
yet always seemingly overlooked.

A disastrous beauty
and broken melody,
torn at its very strings.
The harps without angels
and angels without wings
are songs without words,
that no one will ever sing.
Because the shackles
are what holds us down,
and the keys were never made.
Yet we are ALL to blame,
but no one is ashamed?
Are we blind to it all?
Grasping in the dark?
Our bruises go unnoticed,
along with our scars and other marks;
that tally up all of our days
of precious, yet wasted time.
As Paris becomes tarnished,
and London covered in grime.
Rome is overtaken by rust,
leaving Greece to be abraded.
Is it truly inevitable?
All of its art, to be faded?
Replaced by bias ideals
in a world we consider real?

No! Take me out if you must.
But don't murder my perceptions,
with your fabricated photos,
I'd rather keep my imperfections.
Sorry if I'm not what you wanted,
my apologies, I cannot conform.
Your efforts will be wasted,
and a part of me forlorn...

Because I'm outside looking in,
deciphering means that are within.
as the black abyss grows hazy
and I'm trapped inside my head.
But my eyes are wide open,
my thoughts are just unsaid.
But soon the morning dew will come
I fear, to conquer then to weep.
For I never stood a chance
a blade of grass fated for sleep.


*Sequel to my poem "Victim of Infinite Sleep"
**Dedicated to Blake

The Editing Phase

This whole summer I tried to produce this short story to use for my workshop application and grad application, but the idea I had in my head spiraled out of control. It jumped from one thing to another, twisted itself, and then grew into its own.

It's weird how the creative process works. As the writer of the story, I think I'm in control, but I'm not not. The characters seem to create themselves and make their own identity. The story unfolds the way it wants to, and every time I try to have a say in it, they respond by giving me writer's block or what I want to convey just turns out awkward and ends up being deleted.

Now I know what Professor Glazner meant about letting the story unfold for itself. You just have to go with it and let it flow. At the same time, there should be some structure, but not to the extent that it'll hinder creativity.

Now that my draft is done, I'm gonna take a week break from it before I get into editing. Fingers crossed that my end product is just how I hoped it would be.

But for now. GRE's take priority this week.

Wish me luck.

-Miss M

Book Recommendation: Mindless Eating

When I pick up a book that hooks me until I'm determined to finish it before doing anything else, that's when I know I have a good book on my hands.

I have to say I'm pretty food conscious, but at the same time I'm an emotional eater with a large sweet tooth. I love baking, which is also a great danger to my waistline, but on the other hand I workout and work at a gym. It seems like I'm a walking contradiction when it comes to my health and fitness lifestyle.

Of course, I'm hoping to trim a few inches and to drop a few pounds, but it seems like I always set myself up for disaster. Maybe my love for food simply outweighs my love for working out. Nonetheless, I thought maybe if I got a diet book, it would motivate me to better my own nutrition so that my workouts would pay off. But as I'm browsing the diet books, none of them seem fun, and to be frank, pretty darn tedious. However, I did stumble upon this book.

It was pretty interesting because it focused on the psychological aspects of eating and how different marketing strategies cause us to mindlessly eat, and being backed up by research definitely made me able to see the truth in the author's message. It was definitely not a diet book that I was looking for, but it was definitely a better choice.

I'm not writing this as a review, because I think the back cover with quotes from reviewers covers everything I'd like to say.

This post is merely a recommendation. If you want to read something interesting, educational, and possibly mind-changing, pick this up. It's such a quick read that I finished it in less than a day.

Choosing Happiness.

Those who know me well, know that I'm a complete worry wort. I constantly worry about everything. And the one thing I obsess over is the future to the extent that I wonder if I'm living in the present at all. Because with all the constant worrying I do, it seems like I'm living in my head. This black abyss of mental space that does nothing, but mentally and physically drains me.

Being the youngest of five daughters, I am in the position where I am able to learn from my sister's mistakes. Out of my four older sisters, it seems as though only one is happy with her job/career. Even though the others are financial well off, it doesn't do much to compensate for their lack of happiness. Not only that, I've realized that the more money you have and the more you invest in material things (that you believe will make you happy) simply accumulates and causes more distress. An example of this would be a house or a new car. You think you'll be happy having things thing to call your own, yet it just gives more financial stress to keep and maintain them. Thus, the material things become shackles or reasons that you use to justify to stay in a job or situation that you don't like.

And so, my sisters tell me often that I am so young, there's no need for me to immerse myself into a career right away. They tell me to do things that will make me happy so that when I reach their age, I won't have any regrets. For this, I am truly thankful. They are urging me to choose happiness. They support my dreams, even when I lack the confidence to pursue them.

So in response, I want to say to them and to everyone else who's finding themselves in an unhappy situation: it's never too late to chase after your dreams, it's never too late to be happy. Choose happiness, because what is life without it? A life that hasn't been lived. Don't waste anymore time being unhappy because we never really know how much time we have on Earth, so might as well choose to spend the time you do have on something worthwhile, something that you're truly passionate about.

Thus, take off the shackles of material things (since they really aren't a source of happiness), forget the notions of practicality and what society expects of you, and start doing/being "you".

It'll be the hardest thing you'll ever do, but choose happiness. Free fall into life. The journey and struggles will be worth it in the end.

Twitter

I now have a twitter! Follow me @MissMichelle263

<3

Destination: Love

Yesterday was my sister's wedding shower, and it hit me that in about five weeks, she's getting married.

Before the wedding shower, I met up with my best friend over coffee and we talked about how crazy life seemed to play out. A lot of people we went to high school with are either married or they are in the process of getting married; and it's so strange to think that marriage can even be a possibility for us right now (but hopefully not soon!). The thought of it actually frightens me. I still have no idea what I want, but I can only hope that in the future I am with someone I absolutely love.

My oldest sister is eight years older than I am. Sometimes when I look at her life, I wonder if I am glimpsing into my future in eight years. Will I have what she and my soon-to-be brother in law will have?

And so it got me thinking of the wedding day. To me the wedding day seems like a grand celebration after reaching the ultimate destination: love.

 If you think about it, we date in order to learn and figure out what we want out of love so that when it comes our way, we are able to recognize it when it happens. And for Emily and Anthony, they went that route. They had always been friends, but they also dated a lot in their twenties; yet, when they got together they were able to recognize what they were to each other. Lovers, and now soon to be husband and wife.

However, they definitely need more practice cutting cakes before their big day.

But looking at my second oldest sister and her fiance, I realized it also doesn't take dating experience to recognize what love is. Sometimes it can be innate and you just know it for what it is. My sister was the one and only girl that her fiance took home.

Although my sisters took different routes, their destinations were the same. They found love.

As I reflect on my own personal life and dating history, I can only hope that I am just as lucky.

With that said, I just wanted to say congrats to my lovely sisters and their fiances. You guys have found something that people are constantly in search of. Someone to love and to be loved in return.

Manisfestations

Sometimes I wonder if I imagined it all. Were you simply a figment of my imagination? Something I manifested before me to keep the lonely nights at bay?

I keep telling myself that it happened, but as the days keep passing I'm not so sure anymore. I try to recall your velvety voice, and your laugh that could always ignite my smiles, but each time I do the sound changes, becoming distorted with each play like a broken record.

I've begun to question my sanity. How could I not when the imagination is more tempting than reality? That in the end, my imagination becomes my reality. And if so, where have you gone?

*From the perspective of Times from my short story, Times Knew Roman

A weekend doing things I love.

This weekend went by all too fast, that I miss it already. Oh how fast the days go by! Then days become weeks, and weeks become months, that turn into seasons... before you know it the year will be gone.

This year feels like that. Everything has gone by so quickly that I wonder if I was actually living or simply going through the motions of day to day life. The year is over halfway done and I have yet to fulfill the promises I have made to myself when the year began. I need to fix this. I want to live life. I choose to live life.

So this past weekend my sister and I went out of town to simply escape and relax; in the end we found clarity and peace of mind that made it all worthwhile. We talked about everything and got it all off of our chests until we were able to make our way through the mental fog that has hung in our minds for quite some time.

Thus, we dedicated the weekend to us and did things we love like hiking, eating delicious food, walking along the beach, exploring greenhouses, and wine tasting!

These small things are what benefits our souls and nurtures the budding flower of happiness that's all inside us waiting to bloom. We should live for moments like these in good company. Let's not let life pass us by.

Chocolate cheers to that!

Wanna listen to a good mix?

Check out my friend Maxim's Soundcloud here! This is what I listened to all day while baking. But it's definitely good music to run to also!

Maxim if you're reading this, I think I deserve my own personal mix for giving you a shout out ;]

Sparkline Wine Cupcakes!

So many Birthdays today! Which is always another reason for me to bake! Today was for my roommate's 21st Birthday! Roselle and I have known each other since the seventh grade! I'm so glad we got to reunite in college and live together. So in honor of her 21st, here are some alcoholic cupcakes:]

The original recipe can be found here. I however just bought strawberry frosting to make my life easier instead of making the butter cream, and my batch yielded 27 instead of 20 for some strange reason. I also think you can use any type of dessert wine/champagne to make it to your liking. I used Barefoot Moscato in the cupcake pictured. It was definitely delicious and subtle tasting. Next time I'll probably add a lot more wine ;]

Sparkling Wine Cupcakes

Ingredients:

• 2 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
• 3 tsp. baking powder
• 1 tsp. salt
• 2/3 cup butter or lactose free margarine
• 1 1/2 cups white sugar
• 3/4 cup sparkling wine
• 6 egg whites

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Prepare a cupcake pan with paper forms.

In a large bowl, cream together butter and sugar until very light and fluffy. Sift flour, baking powder, and salt together, and then blend into creamed mixture alternately with sparkling wine.

In another large clean bowl, beat egg whites until stiff peaks form. Fold 1/3 of the whites into batter to lighten it, then fold in remaining egg whites. Fill the cupcake liners about 2/3 full.
Bake at 350 degrees F (175 degrees C) for 20 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the cake comes out clean.

yummmmm. I drizzled it with even more wine!

Happy 21st Birthday Roselle!!!

I definitely need to invest in a cake decorating set!!!

Sidenote: I made the letters, numbers, and decor with melted white chocolate chips, putting it on wax paper and letting it harden in the fridge.

Reverse Chocolate Chip Brookie!

While I was away for the weekend, I desperately needed one of my shifts from work covered. Luckily, a lovely co-worker of mine was kind enough to cover me. As a thank you, she'll be getting some brookies :]

What I did was reverse the normal regular chocolate chip cookies by making a chocolate cookie with white chocolate chips! Then instead of using white sugar, I used golden brown sugar to make it thicker, making it taste like a brownie and cookie at the same time! Definitely a go-to recipe when you can't decide between having cookies or brownies! The possibilities are endless too! You can make it without the chips, dousing them with powdered sugar instead for a crackle cookie. Or if you love mint like I do, you can always do mint chips! Or maybe caramel? Yummm. Might as well make them all!!!

For this Reverse Chocolate Chip Brookie I just modified the Andes Mint Cookies. See below! Enjoyyyyyyyyyyyy!

REVERSE CHOCOLATE CHIP BROOKIE!!!

Yield: 2 Dozen

Ingredients:

1 cup all-purpose flour
1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
5 Tbsp butter, softened
3/4 cup golden brown sugar
1 large egg
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/4 cup white chocolate chips

Directions:

Preheat the oven to 350°F.
In a large mixing bowl, combine the dry ingredients (flour through salt).
In a separate bowl, cream the butter and sugar together on high speed for 2 minutes. Add the egg and vanilla, and beat until well combined. Add the flour mixture, 1/4 cup at a time, and mix until combined. Fold in the white chocolate chips.
Drop the dough by teaspoon-fulls onto a large baking sheet coated with cooking spray.
Bake for 10-12 minutes, or until no longer doughy. Cool completely on a wire rack.

80-90 calories per cookie

This should keep me occupied for awhile!

It's so hard for me to lose weight with my gigantic sweet tooth! Luckily I found this while I was at the bookstore today!

I can't wait to use these recipes and experiment/modify them to my tastes!!! This will make a good read at the beach :] I LOVE the weekend!!!

Packing for the Weekend

It's summer, yet everyday I feel as if I have this huge to-do list, looming over my head, where nothing ever gets crossed off. I always say I'll do it, but then it's always easier said then done. But now, summer is half way over, and I need to start owning up to my list!

Which I will get to after my weekend trip to Half Moon Bay! Although, I must say, I hate planning and packing even though I know it'll be worth it in the end. Sadly, my sister and I couldn't get lodging in Carmel or San Diego, but I think Half Moon Bay has a charming quality that I'm excited to explore. I love little beach towns that are scenic. I can't wait to hike, hit the beaches, check out cute shops, and of course taste some delicious wine. Definitely a good way to escape from my daily life.

My June trip to Vegas was exciting and I'm sure my July weekend trip to Half Moon Bay will be enjoyable as well. Then August will finally be here and I'll finally get to see London and Paris! And when I come back in September my sister will be getting married and I'll have a brother in-law!

Time goes by way too fast. Before I know it, it'll be my senior year of college!

Salmon Cakes and Asparagus with a Jalapeno Greek Yogurt Sauce

I was definitely in the mood to cook today! After stalking foodgawker.com for ideas I decided I wanted to make salmon cakes. Then I had to have some form of vegetables too, so my coworker Monica suggested asparagus. But then I wanted to add something moist like a spicy sauce, and since I usually put greek yogurt on everything and I had a jar of sliced jalapenos, I thought why not. Thus, an original recipe is born!

(Sorry for the bad photo quality! I need to work on my picture taking skills for my blog:P)

This was a lot for me to eat so I put half of my dinner in a tupperware container to bring to work tomorrow.

Below is the recipe, but it's flexible enough that you can add more seasoning or ingredients to your liking to fit your preferences. This is just what I had at the moment. Maybe if I make it again, I'll modify the recipe later.

Salmon Cakes and Asparagus with a Jalapeno Greek Yogurt Sauce

Yields 1 Serving; Approximately 223 Calories

Ingredients:
1 Serving of Asparagus (about 8 medium spears) (~24 cals)
1/3 cup of Chobani plain non-fat greek yogurt (~47 cals)
1 serving of sliced jalapenos (about 18 slices) (~5 cals)
1 serving of eggwhites (3 tbsp) (~25 cals)
1/4 large purple onion (diced) (~11 cals)
1.5 Cups of spinach (~11 cals)
4 oz/113 g Salmon (~100 cals)

For the seasoning, you can use whatever you want, but I used:
Mrs. Dash Garlic & Herb Seasoning Blend (to taste-1tsp)
Pepper (to taste-1/2 tsp)
Cayenne Pepper (to taste)
Mrs. Dash Fiesta Lime Seasoning Blend (to taste-1-2tsp)

Recipe:
The sauce is easy. Dice the sliced jalepanos and mix with the greek yogurt. Simple as that. Set aside until plating.

For the salmon cakes, I made sure to defrost the salmon before working with it. You can either place it in a food processor to shred, or you can do it by hand by just cutting the salmon into bits and pieces which is basically what I did. Place it in a mixing bowl. Boil the spinach lightly until slightly wilted (about 2 minutes) then drain and pat dry. Once dry, dice the spinach and place in the mixing bowl with the salmon. After, dice the onion and place it into the mixing bowl as well. Almost done! Just add the eggwhites and season the way you like. I put a lot of cayenne pepper because I like spice, about 1-2 tsp and 1-2 tsp of Mrs. Dash fiesta lime, and 1/2 tsp of pepper. Mix it all together, then divide the mixture into three so you end of with three salmon cakes. Shape them into patties and pan fry them on medium heat in a skillet with cooking spray until golden and cooked on both sides. (Hint: Cook the asparagus while you cook your patties so they can be ready at about the same time).

 Make the asparagus however you want! Steamed, grilled, or oven-baked! I would have preferred mine grilled, but I placed mine in the oven at 375 degrees sealed in foil dressed with cayenne pepper and Mrs. Dash Garlic and Herb to my taste. I guessed I used about 1/4 tsp of each. I put it in for about 6 minutes or until it was tender.

Plate the asparagus on the bottom, then spread the sauce over it, and place the salmon cakes on top! Yummm. Feel free to add anything else you like to the recipe! Make it yours! If you have any suggestions to my recipe, please e-mail me so I can try it out/modify it!

Enjoy:]

Chocolate Andes Mint Cookies

On Sunday I baked mint brownies for a friend as a thank you present, but I was still left with half a bag of mint chocolate chips. My coworker Sam and I wanted to bake cookies, so I thought it would be the perfect time to put the mint chips to use. The recipe I used can be found here, but I also pasted it below.

My picture does not do these cookies justice. They're soooo delicious. My favorite cookies are oatmeal raisin, but I think these cookies may take the top rank when it comes to my cookie preferences. Out of the 26 cookies that came from this batch, I ate 8. Yeah, they're that good.

Chocolate Andes Mint Cookies

Yield: 2 Dozen

Ingredients:

1 cup all-purpose flour
1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
5 Tbsp butter, softened
3/4 cup sugar
1 large egg
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/4 cup Andes mint chips

Directions:

Preheat the oven to 350°F.
In a large mixing bowl, combine the dry ingredients (flour through salt).
In a separate bowl, cream the butter and sugar together on high speed for 2 minutes. Add the egg and vanilla, and beat until well combined. Add the flour mixture, 1/4 cup at a time, and mix until combined. Fold in the mint chips.
Drop the dough by teaspoon-fulls onto a large baking sheet coated with cooking spray.
Bake for 10-12 minutes, or until no longer doughy. Cool completely on a wire rack.

80 calories per cookie

Slightly adapted from About.com

Apple Cinnamon Muffins

I had a muffin craze all week!!! The other day I made blueberry muffins and banana nut muffins, but it wasn't enough! I wanted to bake even more muffins! Hence, this post!

Photo Credit goes to Danielle who helped me bake them along with Mandy. Two girls I absolutely adore!

I found the recipe on this blog here that I stumbled upon during my google search. I also posted it below in case you were too lazy to click the link!

I must say. They were delicious, especially with french jam (although orange jam does not go well with it). I actually ended up making 18 muffins so that they came to 92 calories each. From my whole batch, I ate 6 of them (no wonder I'm not losing any weight despite my efforts at the gym :P)

Apple Cinnamon Muffins
Servings: 16
Serving size: 1 muffin
Approximate nutritional information
Calories: 100 * Carbs: 20 * Protein: 3 * Fat: 1 * Fiber: 1 * Points+: 1 * Old Points: 2
Ingredients:
1 cup whole wheat Flour
1 cup all purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons cinnamon (next time I will add more because I really like cinnamon)
2 large eggs
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup 1% milk
1 cup applesauce
1 cup finely chopped apples
Directions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees
Step 1. Combine flours, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and cinnamon in a bowl and set aside.
Step 2. Using a hand or stand mixer combine eggs, brown sugar, milk, and applesauce.
Step 3. Slowing combine dry ingredients into wet ingredients.
Step 4:  Fold in apples.
Spray muffin pan with cooking spray, fill muffin cups about halfway,  and cook app 15 – 18 minutes or until toothpick comes out clean.
Variations: You can also add apple pie spice and walnuts. Please note the walnuts will change the nutritional information.

Freezer Instructions

Wrap each muffin individually in plastic wrap then place all of them together in labeled freezer bag.

Reheating Instructions

Take muffin out of freezer and let thaw (this will only take a couple hours) or remove wrapping and place in microwave (1 -2 minutes) or toaster oven (10-15 minutes at 350 degrees) until heated through.

Type of Writer

I love writing, but I don't know what kind of writer I am. It all really started with journaling. Then in my journals I began writing poems. After switching my major, I wanted to go into fiction. But as I see my peers moving on with their lives and actually getting jobs, I know that it'll be really difficult for me to become a fiction writer straight out of college. Then there's also the intense yearning I have for traveling; thus, I would also love being a travel writer. But it's also difficult to do so without money, and no one would pay me to travel unless I was an accredited writer. Hmmmm... Well then I also love baking and cooking! I wouldn't mind writing about that either....

Let's just say I want to do everything!

I've even contemplated opening my own business. Maybe a cafe and bakery? There's so much to do in life, how can I only focus on one aspect as a future occupation? I really can't.

I guess this is where my blog comes in handy. I'm gonna write about everything I love in life.

Beauty Template

Someone told me that "beautiful" people are treated better.

I knew immediately that they meant conventional beauty-the template that society has created in order to judge and determine whether or not a person is aesthetically pleasing.

But I wish society saw everyone beautiful because beauty isn't only found on the surface, but beneath and everywhere in-between. And thus society's template should not be a determiner of how others are treated.

----

Scars sleeping along the skin
marks our stories deep within.
A testimony to our strength
shines on its pearly seam
making us who we are
as our courage is redeemed-

For what are flaws
but misshaped clouds in the sky?
What are imperfections
but beauty's own twin,
that should not be denied?

Thus we should live gracefully
in all of our actions;
expressing heart and truth
as we follow our passions.

Templates function as a mold,
but with time they change
and become forgotten and old.

But those who are remembered,
have hearts that are rare.
They know the value of beauty,
and they know how to care.
----

Break the template and care for others. We are all beautiful.

We all want to fall in love.

We are human, and because we are, their is a slight yearning within us; we all want to fall in love. What that exactly entails however, it completely ambiguous (or to me at least). What is it about human companionship that makes it so attractive? Is it sharing those little but precious moments in life? Having someone understand you in some way that everyone else can't? Or is it simply the feeling of being loved and being in love, an emotion greater than all the rest, that draws us into a different realm from reality. That realm being better than reality itself, making me wonder if it is all an allusion.

Allusion or not, I have it. That slight yearning to fall in love. A love so great that it changes me and my perception of the world. But in my case, it's not romantic love I'm talking about (although, that would be nice too). I'm writing along the lines of falling in love with words. Words made into sentences, sentences into paragraphs, paragraphs into chapters, and chapters into a novel. I want to fall in love with a novel. I want to read something that leaves me breathless. I want to read something that completely changes me. I want something that shares a precious moment with me, or understands me in some way that I didn't even know of about myself. Something that gives me a feeling that can't be described. Whether it is an allusion or not, I don't care. I just want it.

I've read three novels this week. They seemed so promising at first, but just didn't satisfy me in the end. They just fell flat. Now I'm left disappointed, almost like all of my past relationships. Now I'm left waiting and wondering if their will be a book that sweeps me off my feet.

And as an after thought it all just makes me completely frightened. What if one day I'm a writer and I disappoint my readers? Or what if none of my readers fall in love with my writing? What if I never sweep someone off their feet?

ephemeral love

The split second of a breeze exhales
pausing between forgotten seconds,
whiled harrowed hearts weep.
A fleeting thought
moved by a quick brush of the hand,
without consequence or reprimand.
But the ardors of love,
difficult to abate,
do not leave us as easily.

The Disappointment of the Superficial

In a sea of intoxicated people, I stand with a clear mind envisioning a place I would rather be: somewhere up high, between the earth and sky, where I am unreachable and untouchable, yet I'm able to see it all.

But at that point in time, I didn't need a bird's eye view; I saw it all before me on the ground.

And what I found is that I didn't want to be in that sea filled with all things superficial.
 I'm different. I'm me. That's who I want to be.

So I'm gonna jump off this pedestal that you've placed me on so that you can sit there instead; the place you've always coveted. May it feed your ego, your only happiness.

If only their was an anti-itch cream against you...

You're the itch I can't quite scratch.
so irksome beneath my skin.
Physically distant,
like the sun.
Yet I can feel your heat,
burning me from afar.

I wait for the tidal wave
to crush your scorching hold--

Life at Thirty-Seven

I can't remember the last time I spent the whole day reading and finishing a book of my own choosing for pure enjoyment. After switching my major to English, it seems like all I've been doing is required reading. Granted, some of the books I'm required to read I've liked, but it's not the same as choosing a book that I'm genuinely interested in and reading it for simply the sake of reading.

While in school, I have a tendency to buy books that I want to read, yet I leave them unread on my bedside bookshelf. Over time the books accumulate and now that it's summer, they stare at me accusingly.

Since I'll be heading to Paris in about a month and a half, I decided to start with Paris My Sweet by Amy Thomas. In this book, Amy Thomas, a complete francophile and chocolate addict, describes her life as she leaves New York for a job offer in Paris.

This book definitely made me hungry as I followed Amy on her quest for the best sweets in Paris and New York, but it also left me evaluating my own life. Yes, she has a successful writing career and lives in one of the best cities of the world, but she's also thirty-seven, single, and facing infertility.

Without a satisfying resolution at the end of the book, I couldn't help but wonder about my life at thirty-seven.

What would become of me then? Would I be alive? Would I think back on my thirty-seven years and say to myself, "Wow, I've really lived." Or would I regret the time that I wasted?

What's more important? A career or love? Why I think about this stuff at 12:04 a.m., I have no idea. I'm just so worried about the future, confused about the present, and at a loss of words about the past. I can't really make up my mind about what I want out of life. My adventurous side just wants to travel, experience, meet people, write, and wander around in unfamiliar territories. On the other hand my romantic side wants to spend my life with someone, brave the world, and be in love. Are the two lives compatible? I'm not sure. Maybe. Who knows?

I have a feeling this will become my favorite movie...

The Words (Movie Trailer)

We love and we hurt; we learn and we grow. Only then will we start anew.

I woke up this morning and I noticed that I was breathing easily. No panic. No stress. No groggy or tired feeling. No nightmares or  crazy dreams. Just a peaceful sleep ended by my eyes opening.

No more ties to the past, only hope for each coming day. It's the feeling of falling in love, and I am in love with life, despite all the pain that comes with it... because with pain, comes beauty.

And with beauty comes strength.

My Endurance Mentality

I have a hate/love relationship with running.

When I was younger I hated running. It always seemed so boring to me, doing the same motion over and over. I preferred playing sports and I always joked with my coaches that if they wanted me to run they would need to give me a soccer or volleyball to motivate me to.

But in college sports just weren't the same anymore and I started getting into running last year. I starting signing up for 10K's and then a half-marathon, but I hated training for race day. I only loved the feeling of finishing the finish line. Somehow, this perspective seemed skewed. It was like I was just living for one moment. But that's not how life or running should be. Life isn't about one moment but all of the little moments. Each and every step. Life is about the journey you go through, and the accumulation of those moments and events create these finish lines along the way. Now I can finally see running as a metaphor for that.

But that wasn't my initial perspective.

During my first half-marathon, I was proud of myself that I finished, but I wasn't proud of my time. If anything I was ashamed of it. I would tell myself that the only reason I finished was because I had the ability to endure pain. Whether it's enduring emotional and physical stress, or a haunting past, I seemed to be a pro at enduring it all.

Yet, pain tolerance isn't something to be proud of...

Putting one foot in front of the other, I told myself to keep moving and push past it all. Keeping my dreams and goals in sight, I realized that I had to move on.

I learned to forgive others and forgive myself, accept and acknowledge the past as a reminder to myself who I am, and learning to let it go with each breath.

Soon enough I was running faster, breathing easier, and conquering every mile. With hard work and dedication, running felt like flying, and I finally felt free from all the things that I had endured. I may not be the fastest or the best runner, but I was becoming a happier person.

To cross those finish lines in life, you have to work hard and keep at it with each and every step.

On July 14th I will be proud of myself for finishing my second half-marathon and I will be proud of my time. But most of all, I will be proud of who I am and how far I've come to be the young lady that I am today.

Summer: Live Like It's Your Last Day

"Love in a Box" and "Waiting for You"-The Workday Release

 Heard these songs on Pandora during my run and just thought they were cute and catchy!

Click here to listen to "Love in a Box" via youtube!

Click here to listen to "Waiting for You" via youtube!

The Best Summer Ever 2 0 1 2!

I'm having a really difficult time studying for my last final. I haven't even started and I don't want to. I'm itching for summer especially with a taste of it yesterday night. I'm hoping if I just write it all out, I can get these distracting thoughts out of my head and focus on the upcoming exam.

I guess I should first explain why this summer is so important to me, but to get there I should explain last summer. Last year I was going through a really tough time and I didn't really know what to do to make things better or make myself better. When the quarter ended, I put on a smile and acted like everything was okay when I knew that there was something under the surface, waiting to erupt. I'm sad to say I tried to avoid it all by turning to partying and drinking for that temporary release from reality; or rather, I abused it.

So when the school year came to an end at a graduation party, a few friends and I went downtown. I wanted to forget everything and I knew a little alcohol could do just that. But a little turned out to be a lot,  making me completely reckless. But it seemed like alcohol and partying just couldn't do it for me any more. I completely blacked out and woke up in a friend's bed where the graduation party was still going.

I was ashamed at how I allowed myself to go this far. This night was different from the rest of the stupid parties where I made a fool out of myself. This time I was a mess inside and out, and this time everyone could see it. I couldn't smile it off anymore and I was too tired too. I cried all night and my friends tried to console me, but they didn't really know why I was crying. I gave them excuses, not wanting to admit the truth and let them believe what they wanted.

So once summer arrived, I knew I had to deal with my issues at hand. I isolated myself from my friends and family, trying to focus on myself and gave up drinking and partying. But with the twelve weeks of summer school I just kept putting off what was really bothering me until I created an almost limbo reality for myself. Summer flew by as I declined offers to hang out with friends. Soon enough, some friends were getting engaged and married. Others were leaving. And I found myself in a sad looking office, but finally seeking help.

Other events happened then, but this is all I really think of when I look back at my 2011 summer.

I refuse to let this summer go and slip by, because this is the summer of change. I've learned from my past mistakes and know better now than to make the same ones.

So when next year comes around and I look back at my 2012 summer, I hope to remember it as the best summer ever.

Make the world better, by making yourself better.

In life your dealt a hand of cards, but it's how you play that hand that matters. And how you play that hand depends on you.

There's this phrase that's been thrown around a lot lately. Maybe you've heard of it? "Yolo", short for you only live once. It's got me thinking that if I only live once then I should live for me. That's easier said than done with so many obligations and a society that has expectations I can only try to meet, that soon enough the world starts to weigh me down. The pressure becomes so immense that at times I have a hard time breathing. How can I live the life I want when I am so restricted by finances, morals, and societal rules? Who said the path in life was to go to school, work, get a higher education, to work even more, find a partner, get married, and reproduce? And why do we all continually label each other to the point that we become defined by others?

I find myself passing time laying in my bed and staring out the window about my life and asking how I got up to this moment. I've become such a different person then the girl I used to know. I've cried and smiled throughout the years and grew up along the way. Now entering adulthood, this question burns in my mind: is this who I want to be?

Here is my hand of cards, it's my move. What am I going to do? One life. One game. How do you win? How do you lose?

Well, I want to win. I want happiness.

Yet, happiness comes from within. So I know I need to work on myself, to better myself; because that is the only thing in this grand universe that I have control over. And come to think of it, if everyone bettered themselves and became a little bit happier, the world wouldn't be such a bad place to live in.

But what do I mean by work? I mean working my own mentality (how I think and perceive the world), spirituality (health and fitness), and style (how I choose to live my life). These will be the seeds to happiness that enable me to grow.

If I'm happy, those around me will be too. It'll be infectious in a good way.

This is what YOLO means to me.

As for my hand of cards? Love. Live. Laugh. I think that's a winning hand ;]

Cyclic Addictions

It's strange to see how fast the years go. Things seem to have changed so much, and at the same time not at all. Like the seasons, we see the familiar temperatures that come and go year after year. The hot, the cold, the warmth, and the cool. The storms, the blazing heat, the whispering winds, and the crying rain.

On that note, there's this memory game I like to play in my head. On a random day I'll sit and think to myself, "What did I do at this time exactly one year ago? Two years ago?" And so on. Sometimes journals jog my memory when I fail to remember, but I notice that I'm always changing, but the same at heart. A romantic, dreamer, and always too trusting. However, my perceptions of the world around me is constantly changing and I've begun to question who I am and who I want to be. I don't want to be chained by other people's perceptions of me nor do I want to be a product of society's conditioning. I don't want to be used or taken for granted, and I will not live in order to please others. It's hard to stick up for yourself, and it's difficult to break old habits.

These habits, or addictions that haunt me, come like the seasons it seems.

But it's time to break free from it all and let it all go. We won't be able to know the day our light goes out, but I rather go with a lighter load. I will not be weighed down, even during eternal sleep.

Defilement

-->

You chip away at me,

hoping to sculpt a masterpiece,

you scrape away my dreams

filling my cracks and seams,

with your artistic vision.

You mold me until it hurts.

Pushing and pulling,

bending and breaking,

twisting and tearing,

Rubbing raw my skin

with your ruthless words

Til I am polished to your liking.

Alcohol-

Removes-

my shellac skirt.

Your white paint-

Forced-

on a collectible piece.

After.

The fragments of your

scrap pile.

The Lillies

You plucked each petal,

and bruised each stem.

You wanted each and every one of them.

The sepals were torn off,

and thrown in disarray.

Their blooms misshaped,

and scattered away.

Five pink lilies, sisters of spring.

The flowers left wilted,

No joy could they bring.

Oh, the horror on everyone’s face!

Found near their mother, the shattered vase.

Dripping onto their carpet,

their perfume left a stain.

Life without the Lillies—

Which culprit to blame?

Hush

My blood cascades beneath

my skin—hush, as the candles flicker.

Oh, it draws you in.

Shadows on our bare—

But your blood replies, shallow breath,

touching—

my velvety, skin—it whispers, hush.

The flame licks the cherry blossom lips.

Its taste and fragrance—a head rush.

Hush.

Pleasure with your eyes, painting

slow, long, and deep—

The wave, upon wave,

my cries.

You tell me teasingly,

hush.

Consuming our shared blood

a fire breathes.

Burning the roots of the family tree.

Imagination

The six string guitar swims in a sea

between the earth and sky. Horizon beams

projected out of my head.

A layer upon another. The paint still,

in the light’s movement.

The abstract concrete takes over

the uncontrolled. Falling in an abyss

of tantalizing emblems, that marks

infinitesimal particles

surrounding, swelling.

Drowning in uncertainty.

(Three times a day for five days assignment)

The thrum of the world’s outside my window, shades the sweet melody of the bird’s narratives.

But one mile into my thoughts, and my knees go weak.

Exhausted by the categorical nature.

Losing out to make a record,

Chimes the aggravation.

Red, red, red.

Wisps of air

Itching and burning—stings

like a film strip.

One foot in front of the other.

Free.

Eleven hours of grey,

And the class crosses over.

A square of us, talk of trips.

Cold and distorted.