NaNoWriMo and my life lesson in first drafts

This November marks my first time participating in NaNoWriMo and I can't believe we're one fourth there. The requirement for it is 50,000 words in 30 days. Though I will have written 50,000 words this month, I've also made my own personal requirement for myself: 80,000 words in 56 days.

The great thing about NaNoWriMo is that it helps condition you to write daily, which is what I needed. Not the journal type of writing that I did daily, but the get-that-fiction-out writing. It's strange though, I enjoy writing but it's also a source of anxiety. Anxiety that is probably due to self-doubt. To explain, let me tell you a story:

Earlier this year I made five goals. One of them was to write a manuscript. The thing with me is I tend to write something then stop after so many pages. I just never finish big projects. In college we concentrated on poetry and short stories, so when I graduated I set out to write a novel. I didn't work, didn't bother finding a job, instead I just cranked out words. I wrote all the way up to the climax of the story in just a matter of weeks. I was almost there. Then the real world set in. I realized that other things were more important and that writing would just have to wait.

I got a job, I moved, and life immediately changed before my eyes. Sometimes I still wake up surprised at the turn of events. It took me awhile to get back into the groove of writing again. A part of me just resisted so much. Even writing in my journal, something I always made time to do, had become difficult.

Sometime in October (or possibly September) I dug up the old manuscript and printed the first 50 pages. I walked to a cafe down the street, ordered myself a pumpkin latte, and sat in one of the brown overstuffed armchairs to read it. I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't my reaction.

I hated my manuscript. Yeah it was a first draft, but it just seemed utterly repulsive to me. I could see my lack of consistency, the voice needed work, dialogue could be better, descriptions needed to be more poetic instead of plain, pacing needed fixing, and so much more. I realized that this first try was a learning experience. It was still a good story, but a story that needed work. One day I would come back to it, but it just wasn't ready... or maybe I wasn't ready.

So I tucked it away and didn't bother reading the rest of it. The first fifty pages had been enough heartache for a day.

As the days passed, I became so anxious and wondered if I would ever become a writer. I was scared to involve myself in another long project in fear of setting myself up for disappointment. So I turned to reading. Like old lovers, the flame was rekindled. I loved the stories, the words, the characters, the memorable scenes, and the array of emotions as I experienced everything alongside the characters.

And I wanted so much to be the creator of something so wondrous that would brighten up someone's day. I wanted to make someone fall in love with reading just like I did.

I started reading writing and author blogs to get inspired and got back to work with another idea (my current project).

I still get anxious about writing. So much that I will never let anyone read my work until it's fully completed for peer review. I'm not sure how many drafts it'll take, but one thing I'm sure of is that it'll never be one.

One thing I did learn about first drafts? It's functional, and that's what makes it magical. Though it may not be the best prose you can manage, the beauty of its magic lies in its existence. The story is real (word-wise anyway) and not just something flitting through your mind.

Isn't that something to be celebrated?

Today I've reached 30,000 words. In just another week I'll be halfway done and I know I'll get this one done. I've outlined the rest, and now that I've seen where the story is headed, I'm excited. I'll make my goal this year.

To all you other NaNoWriMo first-timers, stick with it!

Marriage Isn't For You

I read the article Marriage Isn't For You sometime last night. It had such a good message to it that I found myself thinking about it today. I decided to share it on my blog, because

 

1) I think everyone should read it,

2) it gives a refreshing perspective on love, and

3) I'm such a hopeless romantic that I'm a sucker for this kind of thing.

 

So, enjoy!

 

That is all.

 

Patience is a virtue

I'm trying my best to be patient, but I feel like I can't breathe. Yesterday was a bad day, but I refuse to let today be a bad one as well just because of one person. One person, who really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

One of the things I miss about college? You do your own work, and you get the grade you worked for. When it came to group projects, everyone had a stake in it, because no one wants to fail when they're paying for the course, so in the end it gets done.

Take personal responsibility.

I'm merely writing this to vent and I'm sure I'll be over it by the time lunch comes around, but if you're reading this, don't be someone who takes advantage of others, because you really put a damper on that other person's day.

This 'blogging' thing...

The way to write a book is to actually write a book. A pen is useful, typing is also good. Keep putting words on the page. Anne Enright

***

I’ve always struggled with my blog. I mean I want to be a blogger, but I have a problem with this thing called ‘consistency’. So, I have written this post as a promise that

 1) I will be consistent at posting, and that

2) my blog will finally have some sort of direction

Because if you’ve ever read my blog before, I’m kind of all over the place – snippet here, snippet there, and some abstraction everywhere. And to be honest it’s because I really don’t have any idea what I’m doing. In fact, I never really do. But I’m going to try.

Trying is the key word here my friend, because that’s really the point of my blog. Instead of wanting, or hoping, I’m going to have to start by trying because that’s the only way anything ever gets done. I’m going to try to be a blogger, I’m going to try to enjoy life, I’m going to try and be a better person, and I’m going to try to be a writer. And if I keep trying, then I will be a blogger, I will enjoy life, I will be a better person, and I will be a writer. Of course failures are to be expected so I’ll just do better next time (or fail better as Beckett says).

P.S. I’m also trying to write a book, hence the Enright quote.

There she goes.

Death. It’s so quiet. When one departs from the world, you don’t even notice it unless it’s a person close to you. And when it does happen to you, the silence of it is so loud. So jarring. So blaring. A loud echo that resonates inside your heart; a piece of it blackening and shriveling away into dust. Yet, the world goes on and you plant one foot in front of the other while the rest of the world is oblivious.

The Fifth Letter

It was a bit like oncoming spring—the rain dries up, but it’s still damp and chilly, reminding you that winter never quite goes away. And those that had been around me for that winter were quickly drying up. The friends that had ceased to be friends were now acquaintances and memories, droplets in a particular season in a given year that would most likely be forgotten.

And little did I know, you could be too.

                “Just a drink,” I said, pulling you by the arm. “I never see you anymore.”

                You hesitated, and I could see you debating with yourself through the creases in your forehead and the faraway look in your eyes.

                “But T—,” you protested.

                I frowned, realizing how much I disliked your girlfriend and not understanding why you continued to be with her.

                “Are you serious B—? You have to come celebrate with me.” I had just changed out of my performance dress and was ready to hit DeVerre’s, my favorite bar in Davis. “Just one drink, we need to catch up anyway,” I reasoned, though I also craved company. Real company. Not the false pretenses I was used to with everyone else, but the one where someone solid, someone genuine could laugh with me, listen to me digress about the world, and someone who I could confide in.

                You smirked. “All right. Let’s go.”

                I smiled triumphantly as we walked towards downtown. It was slightly cold, but I still felt warm and giddy from the night’s performance. We talked like we normally did, catching up like kids who had known each other for years instead of a few months, and it always surprised me how we managed to do that.

                We sat on one of the brown couches in the back where the bookcases were. We met a few other friends of mine who drank celebratory drinks with me, but soon left since it was still a school night. I didn’t feel like leaving though. I was still holding on to that temporary happiness that often comes from a good night and I wanted to hold on to it as long as possible. And when I looked over at you, I could see that you were holding on to it too.

                So we had another drink, just you and I. And soon, the barriers fell, crashing all around me. But as it fell, something within me was reaching out towards you. It was an affirmation of trust. I knew that I could,  and I wanted more than ever to confide in you, hoping you could see me full circle, not just what you had observed.

Like a tidal wave, it crashed into you.

                I told you everything.

                The dark things, the things that I tried to hide away, the things I could not face, the memories that had consumed me, and everything I was afraid of.

                You looked at me in a way I could never forget. There wasn’t sympathy in your eyes, or an expression of being overwhelmed by the onslaught of new information, rather you were awed and said, “That’s how I know you’ll be a writer. Because you’re broken.”

                You explained how that gave me the ability to truly feel and write so that others would be able to relate and you showed me that through confiding in me, telling me the things that you wouldn’t dare utter out loud.

                With the barriers no longer there, we talked for hours, and within another drink my mind became hazy.

                After, we took a walk outside, the night air made me shiver.  Overhead the stars watched us and in the distance we heard the echoes of the music from a nearby bar. We walked in a comfortable silence without direction; just being in the moment.

                But then all of a sudden, you stopped. You turned to me and said, “You’re everything I want and you’re everything I’ve been looking for.” Your eyes were honest and pure. “You’re perfect.”

                I stopped too, and inside my heart hammered, but my mind reasoned with it reminding me that I was broken. I was too lost. I could never allow myself to love or care for anyone again.

You searched my eyes, waiting. Waiting for what? I did not know, but somehow I felt like you could see right through me, for the imposter I was.

                “B—, I am far from perfect. I will never be.” I turned away from you, afraid that I would change my mind and say something I would regret, or something I wasn’t ready for.

                Then I remembered that we had too many drinks, and I wondered if what you had said was the truth, or out of passion. You remained silent, like the rest of the stars that watched us.

 ***

                Time passed before we met again, but when we did you smiled as you always did. We exchanged pleasantries and bits of our lives that the other had missed out on.

                “How are you and T—?” I couldn’t help, but ask.

                “Still together for now, but I really don’t know what’s going to happen once I graduate.”

                I nodded all the while gritting my teeth, wondering how you could still be with her when you realized that there was more out there. There was me. So I allowed myself to see it. You and I, but quickly took a step back, afraid. I was not ready.

 
***

                “We should always keep in touch. Write letters or something about our adventures and all the places that we go,” I suggested.

                “You know what? I really miss writing letters. No one does that anymore so yeah, I would be up for it.”

                When the time came, and the rain returned I wrote you the first letter and you replied with the second, the third, and then the fourth. But through the cold winter, I had forgotten to reply. So time went on, the seasons changed, and it was only when the leaves began to fall did I remember you and the time we sat looking at the leaves fall in the quad, mesmerized by their dance.

                So I wrote the fifth letter, but knew that I may never get a reply and realized then that you were perfect.

Perfect in the way that you were always yourself and perfect in the way that you continued to remain true to who you are. Because those were things I was never able to do. Those were the things that made me so imperfect, so afraid to love, so afraid to lose.

It was a bit like oncoming fall—the leaves fall, reminding you that winter is not far away. That the time for recollection nears, reminding me that you will never be forgotten.

Thoughts during my first experience of kava...

There's a whisper.
There's a whisper,
all but over there.
It's the intangible wind
that combs through your hair.

There's a laugh
and a smile,
from a love long forgot.
He's alone and lost,
and worst of all
an afterthought.

There's a sigh
and a cry
for those who are in pain.
The battle is endless,
and their shadows remain.

But there's hope,
there is love,
a joy no one can describe.
It's that certain feeling
you wished for
for your whole,
life.

Un-independence day

It's Independence Day, and as I write this it's 1:29 a.m. My eyes are puffed and tired from crying and my nose is rubbed raw; I am feeling far from independent. Rather I feel dependent on everything and anything around me in fear that I'll fall and relapse into a time and place that I know is no good for me.

In my last post I wrote about chasing something. What that something is, I have no idea. As a matter of fact I still don't. However, I have a few guesses. Uncertainty being one option, and awareness the other. Or maybe they go together.

How to reconcile with the uncertainty of life, I do not know. It only makes me question who to trust, and most of all, if I can even trust myself. There's nothing like things or people knocking you down as you make mistakes that you've become aware that your face has been on the ground all along. You've been inhaling the dirt, clogging up your lungs, but still you breathe, hoping that if you hold your ground things would be okay.

I know I'm not making sense. But at this unfortunate hour that I'm up. It makes sense to me.

I have this urge to rip up my diploma, a symbol of almost four years of my life amounting to... amounting to... well, frankly I don't know. I feel like I'm being punished for being an honest person. Is it bad to love so much? Is it bad to be who you are? Even if that means being reserved and a dreamer?

Apparently, yes. It seems like everyone wants me to be something else, even though all I want to be is myself. But the world doesn't belong to me. It's not my game, and therefore not my rules. It's their game and they want me to play it their way.

And I've decided that I don't particularly like this game very much. It's no wonder I keep to myself!

Chasing Cities

If I close my eyes and think of a happy place, I'll see the Seine River. I'd walk along the cobblestone steps, just as the sun was setting and the city lights of Paris were just beginning to shine. In the distance, the Eiffel Tower would be peeking out above the autumn trees, making me think "Wow, it's just like the picture," as I try to put it down into words.


What are places anyway? What's a home location as opposed to a vacation destination? How is it that they both bring about different emotions within us, such as comfort and nostalgia versus the excitement of a new adventure?

Last week my sister left to New York. A courageous thing to do no doubt. New York is the Paris of the U.S., is it not? So it made me wonder, can a city bring happiness? Will it bring her happiness? I think of my time in Paris and I think about how happy I felt when I was there. Would it still give me that same feeling if I lived there? Or would that all change?

I think about home, all the things I love about it, and all the things I hate. And most of all, all of the things I miss.

Those, like my sister, going off to new cities and relocating, I wonder what they're chasing after. Hope? Love? Adventure? A fresh start?

And as I sit in a coffee shop in Seattle, I can't help but ask myself the same thing: what am I chasing after?

Unanswerable and Uncertainty

Sometimes I wonder if I really know anything about the world. It's so big and vast, I wonder if I'll ever really be a part of it, or if my role is something insignificant like a piece of dirt. You could make the argument and say, "Of course you're a part of it Michelle, in fact you're a part of something even grander. Even being a piece of dirt makes a difference because you along with other pieces of dirt can be the soil that flowers grow out of, and so on and so on..."

We as individuals wrestle with the idea of 'purpose' that it's understandable some turn to religion. Religion gives some answers. But "answers" aren't really "answers," are they? Do you follow me? Because an answer can't be one hundred percent true or one hundred percent false. It's just an abstraction when you think about it, or even a "guess", so really, there aren't any answers in this world. And what sucks about that is the questions that arise in our minds. What are we suppose to do with them when they drive us absolutely crazy. Is that the point? To just be okay without answers and live in a world of uncertainty?

Unfortunately, yes.

Great... another abstraction, another guess, and no answers.

The "Second Draft"

I took a long break from writing my novel and after beginning the editing today, I really regret all of that lost time. The ending to the story just wasn't coming, which is pretty damn frustrating when it's been stewing in your mind for some time.

But after reading a couple of books over the weekend that somewhat disappointed me, I realized that I had the power to make something that wouldn't disappoint. Disappoint me that is.

And hopefully something that matters, not only to me, but to someone else.

Little Blaire Bear!

A photo of my cat, to brighten your day.

(More relevant, though that's not to say that Blaire is irrelevant, posts to come!)

Congrats to my twin sister No!

Turbulent

I grieve for who she was,
and cry for who she is.
I fear for who and what she becomes;
tangled, tangled, web
done and undone,
patchwork quilt
of year after year,
step after step
never, ever, good enough:
to light up the sky
with all her goodbyes,
to the girl, she once was.

Olive, the Kitten!

Arsenal

I’ll give you some matchsticks

along with some love letters,

(and tell myself,

I should know better.)

a knife

and a single rose.

Bullets to go along with a gun,

so shiny

and silver

I shiver

at the touch.

I’ll kiss that palm of your hand

Where you held it

as you held my face

Love in my eyes,

and trust in my kiss

for all the things you have

all the things you keep.

Never to use

nor ever lose.

Unexplored Territory

I went out for a run this afternoon, hopping to log about 6 miles. I have this out and back route to this wooden bridge on the river near my house that I usually go on. It's a pretty straightforward, but for some reason I got lost today and I don't know why.

On my way though, there were all of these butterflies along the river and the trail was littered with caterpillars.

So much that after 2.5 miles in on my run, I just stopped and decided to walk, not wanting to crush them by accident. Somehow, I took the wrong turn without realizing it. I thought I had stumbled upon a dry area, the word 'wasteland' coming to mind.

But I kept walking despite the rocks and weeds and came upon a peaceful place along the river that I had yet to see before.

And I wondered at that moment if this was somehow a metaphor for something I have yet to discover. 

I didn't go after the bridge today, instead I went all the way back home, the way I came. For the first time, a run didn't clear my mind. And for the first time, I got lost on a route I thought I knew so well. 

Present Moment

Yesterday I had the pleasure of catching up with a truly great friend. She's been with me despite all of the ups and downs of our college career and now that college is over for me and will be soon for her, we've realized how vast the world truly is.

It's kind of daunting thinking about where you'll be and what you'll be doing, but at the same time its exciting. Possibilities are endless, letting the mind wander infinitely. Sometimes I forget this. So used to being subject to fear, I wake up filled with anxiety and I wonder, "What will become of me?"

But there's some kind of wonderful and desperate beauty within that urgent question. For one thing, I acknowledge that I'm alive. How many times do we forget that we are when we go through the motions of life? How many times do we take it for granted? Being alive every day and having each day that comes my way simply gives me another chance to answer it. And I have the choice of keeping the same answer or changing it. It's all up to me. Though it comes with a responsibility, it is all empowering.

So take each day composed of moments and decisions and be present in every aspect of it. For who knows what the future brings and the past has already happened. But the present is ephemeral. Take it while you can before its gone. Some days will seem like the same, but believe me, they're not. Just like how every sunset and sunrise is different, so are you. Ever evolving, learning, and growing.

And there's never going back to who you used to be.

To my friend who inspired this post with her speech, thank you as always. "You're a damn good catch." ;]

The truth about writing...

So true. More than halfway done with my first draft of my manuscript.
Must.
Not.
Give.
Up.

That is all. Happy Thursday everyone!

Amazing Talent!

Hearts a mess-Goyte

Favorite song on the soundtrack!

Post-Seattle

It's been over a week since I've returned from Seattle. The past week seemed to go by so fast, yet upon reflection, so slow. Does that make sense? Or is my conception of time off the mark? Anyway, being back in Sacramento was a shock. Temperature shock that is. Luckily the past two days were nice, cloudy, and cool. I needed it. But now that I'm back and it's been over a month since school finished, I can't shake the feeling that I've come to the period in my life where all I'm doing is waiting, waiting, and waiting. For what exactly? Who really knows.

I've been submitting job applications, but after I submit them I imagine them diving into a pool of other applications in the black digital space, and soon enough mine becomes lost in the shuffle that I can't even distinguish my applications from all the others. Am I truly lost?

But maybe being lost, as they say, is the only way to be found. All I know is... I miss the coffee in Seattle (and of course the people ;]).

I definitely can't wait to go back. For those who haven't gone. I recommend it. Especially if you're from the hot, dry, valley like I am.

-M

Cereal Alternative! Milk+Strawberries+Chocolate=Yum

I don't allow myself to have cereal often at breakfast because of the sugar content and a serving size just never really fills me up. So instead I made my own alternative to cereal! All you need are three ingredients: your choice of rice cracker (I used a gluten-free chocolate flavored), milk (I chose unsweetened almond milk) and fresh fruit (hence my strawberries). It's all so simple: crumble cracker, cut fruit, combine altogether with milk! I feel like a kid again.

And just to make you smile, here's a photo of Blaire ;]

Have a great Tuesday everyone!

Post-Grad Update

Have no fear, I will no longer disappear!

As you can obviously tell, I've been away from my blog for awhile. There's no legit reason why. Rather, I've been lost in the shuffle. You would think that after graduating I would be blogging like crazy with all my free time, but to be honest I've been quite lost. All I've known is school and now that it's over, life's a bit disorienting. Not in a bad way of course. It's just something new that I'm trying to adjust to.

This post is simply my apologies and a notice for you all to be prepared. More posts are on their way and there's a lot of things to update you all on.

-Miss M

If I'm Gonna Fall In Love-A Rocket to the Moon

I'm gonna take my time
Making sure that the feeling's right
Instead of staying up all night
Wondering where you are

Miles and miles away
In a town, in another state
I wanna know if you just can take
The thought of us apart

If I'm gonna fall in love
There's gotta be more than just enough
I gotta get that old feeling
I gotta get that old high

I come from an empty town
Far away from the city sound
I like to settle down some day
I need to know your past
Something that'll take you back
Cause I want a girl like that one day

If I'm gonna fall in love
There's gotta be more than just enough
I gotta get that old feeling
I gotta get that old high

You got a love to own
Gotta live life like a rolling stone
I gotta get that old feeling
I gotta get that old high

If I'm gonna fall in love

I can't stop wondering why
They take us to a longer time
Maybe I should just let go
But baby all I know

Is I'm gonna fall in love
Some day, some way you'll show up
I'm gonna get that old feeling
I'm gonna get that old high

If I'm gonna fall in love
There's gotta be more than just enough
I gotta get that old feeling
I gotta get that old high

You got a love to own
Gotta live life like a rolling stone
I gotta get that old feeling
I gotta get that old high

(I gotta get that old feeling)
(I gotta get that old high)
If I'm gonna fall in love
(I gotta get that old feeling)
(I gotta get that old high)
I gotta get that old high
(I gotta get that old feeling)
(I gotta get that old high)
I gotta get that old high
(I gotta get that old feeling)
(I gotta get that old high)
If I'm gonna fall in love

Envelop(e)

Like infinite particles, dancing in the air

your eyes pass through me.

I sing to the silent music—although you wouldn’t know it.

I cry with the skies—trying hard not to show it.

I walk between the lines—neither here nor there.

I die once more—breathing in the air.

Oh, how I love(d) you.

How curious                it is

             to be obliterated…

Despite, my loving sacrifice.

Like the decay of daisies, distorting their perfumes

the whiff of it, pushes you away.

Like spilled ink, the promise of words

smeared and unread.

Do not fear

my dear.

I speak in letters—sealed, not sent.

Sex On The Beach

One day I succeeded.

The sex didn’t mean anything

the beach did.

I drank black coffee across from you.

Traces of my mascara littered on my face

because my faucet eyes ran dry.

From my lips came all of these words.

Sounds of nonsense.

Sounds of regret.

One day had become every single other day.

As I tried to move on.

As I tried to forget you.

Your eyes now meant for someone else.

You stare at a stranger.

You give me a passing glance.

Three hundred and forty miles.

I drove to see you.

I drove to disappear.

I cried all the way—there and back.

Thought of us together.

Thought of us apart.

Facing the ocean, you watch it

waiting for the day

it opens like an open road.

Little do you know,

it’s my blue wasteland of sorrows

the gravesite of all our tomorrows.

The blue sapphire tombstone—of us.

Vanity's Downfall

Am I a flower yet?

Enough to be kissed by your gaze?

& held so that my perfume lingers

            on you?

I wonder, if that day

will ever come

where your voice is silent

and I no longer succumb

to the taste in my head.

Stuffed with the words I translated

            into a broken language.

So. Full. I’ve lost my appetite.

I can’t get past it.

The layers, upon layers,

that cover me—

until I can no longer be found.

Held captive by dysmorphic demons

that Despair had conjured.

“The flower is beautiful.”

Slender and bright.

Whimsical as it sways.

            Something fragile.

The fairies say

its the key to happiness.

Comply, and you’ll be free.

Somehow, it’s a lie.

A false promise of stars

to disguise the waste of polluted dreams.

I’ve opened all the doors

but it only leads to here.

Exit is equated with stability,

But that’s impossible when I’m standing on mirrors;

because when I look down,

I have a long way to go,

            before I reach up.

The Last One

Piece by piece, I gave you me.

And carefully you placed them into a box,

stowed away beneath your bed

& as time passed,

you forgot it was there.

But there I lay, as you loved her on your bed.

All the while

I roamed the night, a ghost of your thoughts

something of the past.

So I kept all of my tears meant for you

and waited till I had enough

to drown my sorrows

to drown my self…

But when the time came, you came back

to claim me once more,

wanting that very last piece

of me.

Tracing my lips with your tongue

spelling out words

meaningless to you

that meant everything to me

as she sat in the audience

and laughed, while I

cried.

You laid me down, reopening my wounds

and she watched as I bled

for your own amusement.

So cruel you could be

after I had given you, me.

Me, to my barest soul

with my bare skin

all, all, alone.

So, so cruel that

you could be.

Despite the best of me.

With my nimble hands I held on

to the very last one.

The one you would never have.

Dare to "Green"

Green isn't my favorite color, but that doesn't mean I'm not attracted to it. It's just so vibrant and... lively! So I decided to make buckwheat soba noodles with zucchini for dinner. It was so quick and easy to whip up, I'm sure I'll be having these often on my busy nights.

Ingredients:
-buckwheat soba noodles (I used the pre-made ones that's a single serving. I cut a slit in the package and microwaved it for one minute)
-medium zucchini, sliced
-Season to your taste (I used soy sauce, lemon pepper seasoning, chopped onion seasoning, and green onions for garnish)

Cook your zuchinni on medium high heat. Toss in the noodles when the zucchini is slightly soft. Mix in the seasonings. And voila. That easy! Less than ten minutes on the stove. Add chickpeas or tofu for a protein source. I roasted some chickpeas in the oven, gave it a dash of seasoning, and had it for my appetizer.

"Cheesy" Popcorn

No cheese whatsoever! Instead, sprinkle your air-popped popcorn with nutritional yeast for a cheesy flavor.

My method:

Put two tablespoons of popcorn kernels in a brown paper lunch bag. Fold the opening twice (about 1/2 inch increments). Place in the microwave for about 1 minute and 30-40 seconds. Ta-da! Air-popped popcorn! 

Rice paper to the rescue!

The miracle of rice paper? They can make leftovers appetizing. Thank goodness for that, because I had spaghetti squash, baby carrots, and celery leftover from the week and I needed to get rid of it. However, eating them all week didn't make them anymore appetizing.

Nonetheless, I cut up the celery and carrots threw into a pan to cook, then added the cooked spaghetti squash.

To season, I added 1/2 a tablespoon of Hoisin Sauce and chili paste. Then I used rice paper (Three Ladies Brand is the best, in my opinion) and rolled them up. Although, I do need to work on my rolling/folding skills.

Nevertheless, the rice paper saved me from my leftover slump! Yumm! If you're ever in a rut, I suggest you try it!

My verdict on vegan cookies.

I did my grocery shopping this weekend at Whole Foods and came across this vegan cookie dough.

This has 28 servings at 50 calories per cookie. I'm pretty sure I'll be set this month when it comes to my cookie cravings.

Once I got home, I tried them out right away.

My verdict? They're so damn delicious! Better than the non-vegan doughs I've tried!

Peach-nana and Straw-nana Green Smoothies

Green smoothies! Here's a simple and quick recipe!

Ingredients:
1 cup of spinach
1/2 a banana
1/2 cup of frozen sliced peaches OR strawberries
3Tbsp of water (or more to reach the consistency desired)

Blend! Ta-da!

*The first photo is made with strawberries and the second is made from peaches. Excuse my pj's ;]

February Vegan Challenge

February first. A new month. A clean slate. Just what I needed! And I think a new challenge and self-experiment is needed!

As a child, I always associated February with Red. Red for Valentine's Day and red for the Vietnamese New Year. I'm not ashamed to say it, but Valentine's Day is one of my favorite holidays. I can see you rolling your eyes as you read this, but hear me out. We all live busy, face-paced lives. How often do you tell your loved ones, that you love them? Yes, it's a commercial holiday, but it also reminds you to appreciate those around you. And sometimes, we need a reminder (even if it's one where the greeting card industry profits).

I grew up in a household where we didn't say we loved each other, and it wasn't because we didn't love each other, we just weren't accustomed to saying it out loud. So when I got home from school on V-day's with a brown paper bag filled with cards that said nice (albeit standard) things, I couldn't help but feel good about myself.

Now flash forward. I'm no longer a child, but a young adult. No more brown paper bags filled with cards. Single or not, I still celebrate Valentine's Day. I send my single mother flowers, my sisters chocolates, and go out to dinner or watch a movie with my friends.

This year, I want to do something different. With the Vietnamese New Year to boost my New Year's Resolutions, I've decided to go Vegan for 28 days. I tried going Vegan two years ago, but it didn't last too long. This time, however, I'm determined to do the 28 days. The way I think of it, I'm resetting my body so that I can learn and go on living a happy and healthy lifestyle with a plant-based diet.
Along the way, I hope to find a balance between my mind and body. And once Valentine's day comes around, I hope to inflict myself with copious amounts of self-love (something we all need, once in awhile) and delicious food!

I'll be using Kriss Carr's Crazy, Sexy, Kitchen and Alicia Silverstone's The Kind Diet to help me accomplish this. Look forward to my recipe reviews.

Spaghetti Squash with Pad Thai Sauce

I've found another sauce that goes well with spaghetti squash! Pad Thai Sauce! I didn't have the regular ingredients at hand for pad thai, but I did have broccoli and tofu.

It turned out pretty well, that I made it again for my friend Lyly for dinner. Rest assured, it's been Lyly-approved!

Makes 2 servings (but you can easily make it for one due to the simple ratios)

Ingredients:
2 cups of broccoli
2 cups of cooked spaghetti squash
2 servings of tofu
3 Tbsp Pad Thai Sauce

Steam broccoli in one pan. Cut tofu into cubes and cook on medium-high until they have browned on all sides. When the broccoli is a vibrant green, set aside.

Once tofu is cooked, add the broccoli, spaghetti squash, and sauce together. Mix well over medium heat. Once the spaghetti squash is warmed up, you're good to go!