Manuscript

Three days ago, I told myself that by the end of winter quarter, I will have a completed rough draft of a manuscript. The deadline I gave myself will be my 22nd Birthday on March 26. Three months. I think this is a good enough time frame even if I'm going to school full-time. I guess there's a part of me that wants to leave college feeling accomplished or with something to begin my career as a writer. Not that this manuscript would make me a writer, but I would actually feel like one (we all need an ego-boost once and a while). It may not be something that would get published, but I think it'll provide me with a great lesson, teaching me patience and the rewards of tenacity.

Personally, to complete this undertaking would just be monumental. The end goal for me is to get a novel published. For me, to share my words and stories, in the hopes of changing someone's life would be the greatest accomplishment I could ever receive.

Baby steps though. The first being to write everyday, until I can hold a stack of papers filled with my own words in my hands, happily smiling, with my eyes brimming with tears of joy at something I can be proud of. And of course, celebrating with a glass of my favorite wine!

Until then. My daily goal is 1,000 words per day (although, how diligently I can meet this goal really depends on my course load. Nonetheless, I'm optimistic!). I'm thinking my manuscript will be about 100,000 words long.

After three days, I'm at 10,000, hence my blog post to celebrate this mini step. Although, this is attributed to the fact that I've been on vacation. Nonetheless, I hope my enthusiasm for this story does not lessen with each passing day.

My characters are depending on me and I mustn't let them down.

The End of Fall Quarter

has finally come. Finals are finished. I'm so exhausted; mentally and physically. Looking back, the quarter seemed to go by so fast, but at the same time, I felt like it was drawn out. It probably wasn't my best quarter academically, since I didn't strive for my best. Instead, I just wanted to get by. I guess you could say I have my head in the clouds, which is partly true. I'm a dreamer and I have this desire to get out and explore. However, the rational part of me keeps beating me down with the sinking truth of reality. This inner conflict just bubbles under the surface of my skin, making the quarter uncomfortable and unbearable. But now, it's over. What next?

Sure, I have winter quarter left and ten more weeks of academia. But it won't be the same. I'll be applying for jobs and waiting. Waiting for what? Well, I don't even know. I just know something's going to happen. Something's coming my way. And so in the mean time, I'll be taking some classes. Half will be creative workshop classes, so the work load will be comparably easier than previous quarters, and the other half... well, I'll get by as usual.

As commencement approaches,  I'm starting to feel uneasy and I don't know why. I try to remind myself that this is what I wanted, so what am I so afraid of? The worst I can do is fall on stage, right?

Easy Healthy Cookies for one!

A healthy cookie=banana+oatmeal!

Had a bad cookie craving, and I ate bad all weekend! But I really, really, really, wanted cookies. So I found this two ingredient (base) cookie to satisfy my craving without feeling guilty.

Take half a banana and smash it. Then mix with 1/4 cup of quick-cooking oatmeal. Ta-da!

But I wanted to add some sweetness so a dash of cinnamon and a few 42% cacao chocolate chips (next time I'm going to try raisins!!!)

Heat oven to 350 degrees. Grease a baking sheet. Divide mixture into 4 cookies. Bake for 15 minutes. Let cool, and enjoy!

(I was so excited I ate half a cookie before remembering to take a photo!)

This is definitely something I can have for breakfast too, since it's so filling!

*~33 cals per cookie (not including the choc-chips).

Winter's Grip

The night is dark. Harshly cold.
She waits and listens,
for something and nothing.
Hiding away in her room,
her mind becomes distant.

She thinks of him.
Alive and dead.
Sane and insane.

But then wonders where she falls?
Alive, physically?
Dead, emotionally?
Sane to function?
Insane to-

Blank Page-Christina Aguilera

I know there's hurt I know there's pain,
But people change lord knows I've been no saint
In my own way, regret choices I've made
How do I say I'm sorry? How do I say I'm sorry?

I was scared, I was unprepared oh, for the things you said
If I could undo that I hurt you I would do anything for us to make it through
Draw me a smile, and save me tonight
I am a blank page waiting for you to bring me to life
Paint me a heart let me be your art

I am a blank page waiting for life to start
Let our hearts stop and beat as one together
Let out hearts stop and beat as one forever
How can I erase decisions I've made
How do I go back what more can I say
All that remains are hearts filled with shame
How do we say we're sorry? How do we say we're sorry

I was scared, I was unprepared oh, for the things you said
If I could undo that I hurt you I would do anything for us to make it through
Draw me a smile and save me tonight
I am a blank page waiting for you to bring me to life
Paint me a heart let me be your art

I am a blank page waiting for life to start
Let our hearts stop and beat as one together
Let out hearts stop and beat as one forever
I'd go back in time and I'll realize
Our spirits aligned and we'd never die
Draw me a smile, and save me tonight
I'll be your blank page waiting for you to bring me to life
Paint me a heart let me be your art
I am a blank page waiting for life to start
Let our hearts start and beat as one together
Let our hearts start and beat as one forever

Tears

What are tears? But words of the heart?

I'll admit, for a blogger I don't write much. It's due to the fact that I believe their is a fine line between public and private life. I've always been a private person. The person who bottles up everything and shuts down, because she doesn't know what to say, nor explain. I like to think that I'm not fragile. But the truth is, I am. I like to think that I'm brave. But I'm not. There's a fine line between the person you are and the person you want to be. Finding that middle ground is a journey, and every time I think I've made it or found that medium, I realize that I'm farther from where I've started. I've been going the opposite direction. I've gotten lost. I've been stuck. I've been found. And sometimes I've disappeared.

The hard part, is reappearing. Trying again. To find a way, to find a future, when the past follows you like a ghost. Haunting you when awake, and trying to take you as you sleep.

It would be so easy to succumb and give up. But I know I can't allow it to be an option.

Maybe a good cry was all I needed. To wash away the pain and resentment imprinted on my heart, etched into my skin, and burned into my memory. Maybe a few tears will cleanse the soul. A few tears for some sort of solace. A few tears, for when there's no one to listen.

I'm doing okay. But someone somewhere right now, isn't. And so, a few tears for them.

------

If you're quiet, you can hear him.
Slow and shallow breaths.
White puffs in winter's black.
Frozen hands
unable to reach out.
For help, for love, for sympathy,
and most of all forgiveness.
A lonely shadow
in the recesses of our minds.

Infecting-
slow and agonizing.
A funeral of our suffering.

The rain is beautiful.

Therefore, life is beautiful.

Joe Kirkland should have won the knockout round :/

Stay Strong-ArtistVsPoet Click the link.

Love it.

Spaghetti Alfredo with Shrimp and Asparagus!

So for lunch I was really craving Alfredo pasta, so using whatever ingredients I had, I came up with this!

Voila! It was definitely yummy, nutritious, and completely hit the spot!

Ingredients:
2 cups of spaghetti squash
1 serv. shrimp
12 asparagus spears, cut inch-sized
1/4 cup of Classico, light creamy alfredo sauce

Prepare spaghetti squash.
Steam asparagus and cut when cooled
Boil shrimp.

Mix together with alfredo sauce on the stove. Put crushed red peppers and black pepper to taste.

~269 cals

Enjoy:]

The Unhappy Story

“Tell me a story.” My voice came out weak and feeble.

“What kind of story?”

“A love story.” I could his feel his eyes on me, but I didn’t dare look at him, knowing that if I did, I would instantly forgive him for everything, which wasn’t what he deserved.

He glanced up, feeling the rain on his face for the first time. “Well, I could tell you one, but it wouldn’t compare.”

“Compare to what?”

“Living in it.”

I looked into his eyes, so he could see the dagger he had just put into my heart with those words.

“A love story shouldn’t consist of lies, betrayals, and schemes. You played me for a fool.”

“Only for a fool in love, just like I am.”

He reached for my hand, but I recoiled from his touch.

“Then this story ends here, with an unhappy ending.”

“No, this is just the beginning. We are just beginning,” he said with a pleading look.

“I’m afraid we’re on the wrong page, in fact, I think we’re in separate books.” With that I walked away, aware that he was witnessing the moment where I walked out of his life forever.

PB and J Overnight Oats

I love PB&J! Put it in oatmeal? And it's just absolutely divine. Such a great way to start your morning:)

1/2 C oats
1 C almond milk unsweetened

Place in a Tupperware container in fridge over night.

Microwave for 2 minutes in the morning. Add 1 packet of Truvia, 1 serving of PB2 and your choice of jam/preserves.

Enjoy!

Perception

"The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was and the present worse than it is."

Pumpkin Muffin Cookies

I made this last week as a pick-me-up for myself after sooo much reading, and I have to say, it was perfect for this time of year! Although, I'll admit as October ends, I couldn't be happier because I am pumpkined out!

I'll call these muffin cookies, because it tasted like it was a median between the two, which I think is a good thing, because who doesn't like cookies for breakfast?

Yields 32 cookies. ~42 cals per cookie

Ingredients:
1 C whole wheat flour
1C AP flour
1C brown sugar
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
2 teaspoons of pumpkin spice
1/2 C unsweetened applesauce
1 teaspoon vanilla
1C canned pumpkin

Preheat oven to 350 degrees, prepare baking sheet by using a non-stick spray. Cream sugar with wet ingredients. Use a separate bowl to mix dry ingredients, then add to wet mixture. Mix until dough is formed. Place on baking sheet in ping-pong sized balls. Bake 15-18 minutes. Let cool, and enjoy!

Time of Change.

I woke up this morning completely anew. Have you ever experienced that before? Like you're opening your eyes for the first time? Seeing the rain and the leaves change for the first time? Everything so beautiful you just want to cry and soak it all up before it disappears? Knowing that a picture won't ever be able to capture it all: the colors, the emotions, the perspective. Hoping that it'll never end...

There's something hypnotizing about this time of year. Maybe it's due to the feeling of change, like maybe, just maybe... your life could change.

Week 3 or 4?

It's week 3 or 4 in the quarter system. I don't know whether to count the first week seeing as it was only two days.  The weeks don't really matter. All I can say is, I want out!

Yes, I'm learning interesting things, but my heart just isn't in it. It's everywhere else, but in school. My mind keeps wandering and my heart beats for something else. I know I should be enjoying the moment, but I feel like I'm going insane.

Twelve more novels to read, seven more papers to write... quizzes, midterms, and other assignments and readings from PDF's, anthologies, and textbooks.

All this in roughly seven weeks.

I've never had such a hard time focusing as I do now. Is it because I finally see beyond the bubble I'm in? It is because I've lost myself in a fictional world, prompting me to write and breathe life into things that yearn to exist?

I don't know... but I'm counting the days until I can fully immerse myself into the life that I'm longing for.

School just isn't for me anymore.

Explosions-Ellie Goulding

You trembled like you'd seen a ghost
And I gave in
I lack the things you need the most, you said where have you been
You wasted all that sweetness to run and hide
I wonder why
I remind you of the days you poured your heart into
But you never tried
I've fallen from grace
Took a blow to my face
I've loved and I've lost
I've loved and I've lost

Explosions...on the day you wake up
Needing somebody and you've learned
It's okay to be afraid
But it will never be the same
It will never be the same

You left my soul bleeding in the dark
So you could be king
The rules you set are still untold to me and I lost my faith in everything
The nights you could cope, your intentions were gold
But the mountains will shake
I need to know I can still make

Explosions...on the day you wake up
Needing somebody and you've learned
It's okay to be afraid
But it will never be the same

And as the floods move in
And your body starts to sink
I was the last thing on your mind
I know you better than you think
Cause it's simple darling, I gave you a warning
Now everything you own is falling from the sky in pieces
So watch them fall with you, in slow motion
I pray that you will find peace of mind
And I'll find you another time
I'll love you, another time

Explosions...on the day you wake up
Needing somebody and you've learned
It's okay to be afraid
But it will never be the same

Skeletons-This Century

You're like a ghost to me
A love so true I cannot see
It's such a mystery
But I'm
Head over heels for you

Can't get inside your head
Threw away the key instead
And kept it locked away
But I'm
Head over heels for you

You got the shackles on me, yeah
But I just wanna be free, yeah
Don't need an expert to see, yeah
That it's time to shake your skeletons

Shake your skeletons (x2)

You're an anomaly
Wrapped up in a million dreams
You're a love conspiracy
But I'm
Head over heels for you

You're floating endlessly
Into infinity
Run circles around me
But I'm
Head over heels for you

You got the shackles on me, yeah
But I just wanna be free, yeah
Don't need an expert to see, yeah
That it's time to shake your skeletons

Yeah, yeah
Shake your skeletons (x2)

I know that you felt so low, yeah

Shake your skeletons

So take your skeletons and break my heart
Don't bring me back, bring me back to the start
Don't leave me here when we've gotten this far
So come on, come on and break your skeletons

Shake your skeletons (x2)

I know that you felt so low, yeah

Shake your skeletons

So take your skeletons and break my heart
Don't bring me back, bring me back to the start
Don't leave me here when we've gotten this far

It's time to shake your skeletons

Sometimes

I wonder if I'm working for a non-existent future or a future of perpetual loneliness, with only my mind for comfort.

Goethe, you've made me very sad...

Grey Goose

I admired him so,
But he left me.
Without warning and without a chance.
I was robbed of everything and anything.
A loss before anything could be won.
It was me,
Who loved him too much to bear.
I played it all in my mind,
And tried to drown myself in alcohol
and bittersweet vibrations
Of songs with lyrics that resonated within me.

Summer's End

Forgive me faithful followers! I didn't mean to leave you all hanging! Rest assured, I am still alive!

The past few weeks have been crazy, but ultimately life changing. How do I even begin to explain it?

All I know is, it happened in Paris. I'm in awe of that city and what it did to me. I stood beneath the iconic Eiffel Tower and was just awestruck. I couldn't believe I was there, and I still have a hard time believing I was there. Was it an epiphany I had? I'm not sure. But for the first time, I felt truly and blissfully happy. Sitting in cafes, walking along the Seine, and drinking wine; doing simple things that felt so magical. For the first time, I stopped planning and over thinking everything. I finally lived and enjoyed the moment.

Being home after that, I realized home isn't where I wanted to be anymore. I wanted to be out in the world. I wanted to explore. I wanted to write.

I need to get out. It may only be a quarter earlier, but that's better than the whole year.

I can't wait to see where I go next.